Torchwood Drabbles
by Daashi
Summary: Various drabbles set in the Torchwood universe. Inspired by badly-knitted. Do not own the characters or settings, not making money off said characters and settings etc. On hiatus
1. 001 - Operation: Distraction

**Beginning Notes:** I haven't written anything substantial for over 10 years, I have felt the desire to write and I have been plagued by muses but as soon as I put pen to paper all of the words flee refusing to be written. I want to thank badly-knitted for inspiring me, reading The Torchwood Drabble Files gave me inspiration to write again and the idea that I could start writing again by writing drabbles.

**11/07/14** - I just realised that I haven't put a disclaimer up. I don't own these characters or setting, I am not making any money from the use of these characters or setting etc. etc. etc.

* * *

**Title:** Operation: Distraction

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/OMC, Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+ (just to be safe)

**Genre:** Drabble, Crack, Humour

**Warnings:** Allusions to m/m sexual situations.

* * *

"Jack what is this stain?"

"Ianto, did I ever tell you about this time in '41 with a . . ."

"Is this a coffee stain?"

"handsome British officer . . ."

"You spilled my coffee?"

"who could do the most amazing thing . . ."

"You can't distract me Jack!"

"with a bugle horn."

"You tried to feed your coat coffee again, didn't you Jack."

~ End

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**Word:** Bugle Horn

**bu - gle** _(noun)_: a brass wind instrument resembling a cornet and sometimes having keys or valves, used in typically for sounding military signals.


	2. 002 - To Laugh

**Beginning Notes:** To badly-knitted; you have written so many drabbles that I would merely be picking and choosing what prompts to do my take on. I have a list of 50 words I have gotten on a random word generator and can say that I am looking forward to using the words I would never have chosen to use, I would have chosen the easiest prompts you have used. But if want to send some of your favourite prompts I will try to give them priority.

Also if anyone else wants to give me prompts, feel free. Might take me awhile to get to it, but I do them.

* * *

**Title:** To Laugh

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Angst

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

He needed to hide, to blend in and sometimes that meant sticking out, not fading into the background. Sometimes he needed to joke, to laugh, to join in.

Laughter would be ripped from his throat, so fake it was all he could hear, so raw from the unshed tears and unvoiced screams. How could they not hear?

Laughing, it was as alien to him as anything that crosses Torchwood's path.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Laughter

**laugh - ter** _(noun)_ :the action or sound of laughing

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**End Notes:** For the record GDL should be never be called to laugh, his laugh is so fake.


	3. 003 - We Have Rules For A Reason

**Beginning Notes:** I wanted this to be a collection of humorous and "lite and fluffy" drabbles, so I am posting this straight after the last one. Who knew the word _**laughter**_ would take my muses to such a place.

* * *

**Title:** We Have Rules For A Reason

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** References to Exophilia

* * *

"You know you can ask me anything."

"Sir."

"Come on Ianto, ask me something, anything."

"Well there has been a question I have wanted to ask since I met you."

"Yes."

"Are you the example they use for Regulation 679-3b in the manual?"

"Regulation 67 . . ."

"Never have sex with an alien, especially when said alien mates for life."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Regulation

**reg - u - la - tion** _(noun)_ : a law, rule, or other prescribes by authority, especially to regulate conduct.


	4. 004 - Random Questions

**Beginning Notes:** This word on my list inspired two drabbles so I am posting them at the same time.

_**badly-knitted**_ in my head canon in the Torchwood Manual every law and by-law has an example of a real incident that prompted the creation of that rule. The creator of said manual found the various ways that Torchwood agents had lost their lives or gotten seriously injured because of what he/she viewed as a serious lack of common sense and self-preservation extremely humorous and when given the chance turned the manual into the Torchwood Darwin Awards.

Also the list of **do's and do not's** on a situation regarding the unexpected and unexplained petrifaction of a person would be larger than one would expect, but with only one **do**. Some of the **do not's** would be interesting like; do not turn petrified subject into fountain, do not turn petrified subject into a public art installation, do not take a chisel to petrified subject in an attempt to make them look more attractive etc.

* * *

**Title:** Random Questions

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Friendship

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

It was the weekly "Lets Pretend Torchwood Doesn't Exists" meeting that one Toshiko Sato and Ianto Jones did their damnedest to have on a weekly basis. Tonight it was vegetarian vindaloo, Singing in the Rain and Tosh's apartment.

"So Ianto, what is your favourite flower?"

"Well that was random."

"I'm in a random mood tonight."

"Fair enough. It's the wallflower."

"Excuse me."

"The wallflower, Cheiranthus Cheiri, that's my favourite flower."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Wallflower

**wall - flow - er** _(noun)_ : a European plant, Cheiranthus Cheiri, of the mustard family, that, when growing wild on walls, cliffs, ect., has sweet-scented, usually yellow or orange flowers varying in colour from pale yellow to brown-red or purple.


	5. 005 - You Get What You Ask For

**Title:** You Get What You Ask For

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Angst

**Warnings:** References to m/m situations.

* * *

"And this is Ianto Jones. Ianto cleans after us and get us everywhere on time."

I was the Head of the Digitisation Project at Torchwood London and now here I am, Torchwood Cardiff's janitor and butler.

"I try my best."

"And he looks good in a suit."

And lets no forget I am also a glorified sex object for Captain Harkness. But one must continue this charade.

"Careful. That's harassment sir."

Did I sound amused enough? Hope I didn't sound too inviting? That PC's eyes just swept past me, like I wasn't even here. Well I have always been a wallflower. And I must remember that I wanted this.

~End

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**Word:** Wallflower

**wall - flow - er** _(noun)_ : a person who, because of shyness, unpopularity, or lack of partner, remains at the side at a party or dance.

* * *

**End Notes:** The Digitisation Project isn't as glamorous or important as it sounds. Anyone who has ever done data entry can tell you what a soul crushing task it is. In my head canon renaming Data Entry to The Digitisation Project was one of those morale boosting initiatives the Yvonne Hartman did when she came into power and Ianto being the anal retentive individual that he is quickly got the title of Head of the Digitisation Project who only job was to check other people's work and ensure that the proper search terms were inputted into the databases.


	6. 006 - The In Between Places

**Beginning Notes:** _**badly-knitted**_, I honestly don't think that cleaning-up after the inmates and fetching coffee is a step up from data entry. But then again in my head canon Ianto was never truly comfortable with field work, never developed that addiction to the adrenaline rush that the others did. Beside this is Torchwood and even the data entry was important, being able or unable to search through past incident reports could mean the difference between life and death. Much like Toshiko made that translation programme to assist with identifying alien objects, I imagine Ianto continuing with data entry to assist the field operations. Also data entry is mind numbing and something had to have stopped him from shooting Owen and Gwen (which some would argue is very important).

* * *

**Title:** The In Between Places

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters**: n/a

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Supernatural

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

They come from the in between places, the places that cannot be found anywhere or anytime.

They invade the rooms of children, chasing the smell of new death and the sound of a fleeing soul.

They hover above the dead child, with the flutter of wings the child takes breath with a hiss and is now replaced by new life.

This new child, this changeling, will live among us. It will watch us, observe us, judge us.

In a whirlwind of death and destruction the human form will be burned away, leaving behind nothing but the other.

They come from the in between places.

~End

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**Word: **Between

**be - tween** _(preposition)_ : in the space separating (two points, objects, etc.)

_(adverb)_ : in the intervening space or time, in an intermediate position or relation.

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**End Notes:** The first time I watched Small Worlds, I was immediately reminded about the stories of fairies I was told as a child. The stories where they enter a child's room and steal their breath and then their form, becoming changelings.


	7. 007 - Respectful

**Beginning Notes:** I am not very happy with this drabble. It took me ages to think of anything for this word, and I just wasn't very happy with what I eventually managed to write. I also spent a day and a half thinking about improving/rewriting this drabble which now means I am behind and don't have tomorrow's drabble written up yet.

_**I Love Janto **_I wish to apologise for not approving your reviews quickly. I haven't posted on in quite a while and didn't know of that feature. I can actually remember having no control over anonymous reviews when I first posted here. And being so relieved when finally gave us the option to block anonymous reviews because I was having problems with this one anonymous fuckwit who would go to any story I wrote and give me an offensive, abusive, "txt spk" review for every _single_ chapter.

_**badly-knitted**_ I am very pragmatic in the worst way possible. I have to say that I approve of One's "kill he/she/it/them before he/she/it/them kills us" attitude over Three's "lets watch people die because our bleeding hearts are too busy wringing our hands to do anything useful" attitude. I'd rather be considered a heartless monster than allow people to die needlessly.

* * *

**Title:** Respectful

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Ianto Jones, Suzie Costello

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** For some strange reason I feel as though I have to give warnings to those who suffer from phobias of death, dead bodies and undertakers.

* * *

It is a good thing that Torchwood doesn't believe in burials. At least in this instance. Just imagining trying to explain all of these post-mortem injuries to an undertaker was bringing a small smile to his face. When in Torchwood, one should take humour when they find it.

That line of thought wasn't respectful to the deceased, and Mam always told him to be respectful of the dead.

But then again Suzie wasn't exactly respectful to her own dead body.

~End

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**Word:** Burial

**bur - i - al** _(noun)_ : the act or ceremony of burying

* * *

**End Notes:** I have started re-reading _**What is Essential is Invisible to the Eye**_ by **_Prothrombintime_** and can I say what a daunting task that is. But this story is what I credit with providing me the building blocks of my head canon. If you are fans of the Jack/Ianto relationship and haven't read that, I suggest that you do.


	8. 008 - A Floodlit Welshman

**Beginning Notes: ****_I love Janto_** Ianto Jones is TW's undertaker. If Ianto wasn't in Torchwood he would be an undertaker. I had a crack thought of Jack's body being sent to the Mortician's and while Ianto is preparing Jack for burial, he comes back to life. Jack being Jack is utterly impressed with the gorgeous man with the gorgeous accent who was very calm when a dead body came back to life offers him a job at TW.

**_badly-knitted_** I guess I always associate TW London with efficiency because we never really see how TW Cardiff operates without Gwen Cooper and also I get the impression that when an emergency happens in Cardiff there are too many jobs and not enough people with everybody burning the wick at both ends. I was going to make a couple of snide comments about Cooper in my original comment but as much as I love a good Gwen bashing session (very cathartic) but am very aware character bashing it isn't for everyone and don't wish to turn people off this fic considering this isn't a Gwen bashing fic.

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**Title:** A Floodlit Welshman

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Ratings:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Romance

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

If Jack was an artist, he would paints this scene and call it "A Floodlit Welshman".

Ianto was quickly, efficiently and most importantly single-handedly dealing with a weevil. A small spray to the face to curb aggression, corralling away from people and ushering back into the sewers without damaging that suit. Truly a marvel in Jack's mind.

Ianto is so good at fieldwork and yet it is the only part of his duties that he truly hates. Jack knows that when Ianto comes down from the adrenaline high he will be shake-y and shock-y and Jack will need to take care of Ianto, and how does Jack love taking care of Ianto. But Ianto is such a 20th century male and hates being taken care of, hates the fact that he might not be suitable for fieldwork (not that he wants to do fieldwork, but it is the principle of the thing).

But Jack wouldn't change a thing about Ianto because it wouldn't be Jones, Ianto Jones anymore.

~End

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**Word:** Floodlit

**flood - lit** _(verb)_ : to light up or illuminate with a floodlight.

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**End Notes:** It is part of my head cannon that Ianto doesn't like fieldwork (despite being amazing at it) and it is mainly because of the adrenaline high. He hates how out of control he feels while experiencing the high and coming down from the high leaves him feeling vaguely nauseous (not the shock-like symptoms mentioned in this drabble).

For the record Jack claims that adrenaline doesn't effect him, but that is untrue. It mentally and physically arouses him, just that he hasn't yet (probably will never) connected stressful situation = increased desire for sex. A larger than currently normal desire for sex is like his standard OS.


	9. 009 - Torchwood Scrabble Night

**Beginning Notes:** This is a dialogue only piece with more than two characters so I am listing the first name initials for the character speaking.

_**badly-knitted**_ I also have trouble getting into the mind of Gwen, I'll will probably never write Gwen because of it. The fan of the Harry Potter in me wants to refer to her has having a "Gryffindor" mindset. She has a way of thinking that is unimaginable to me, that is so alien to me. The only time I have ever read a story that depicts Gwen in a realistic way (as in consistent with how she is portrayed in the show and with a lack of judgement) is **cjh4ever**'s **"Five Go Mad"** Series not that particular Gwen is in anyway likable (at least to me). I love Gwen bashing fics, the ones that I enjoy most are the really badly written and short, because even the most well written Gwen bashing fics tend to have the parts with Gwen tend to be of a poorer quality than the rest of the fic.

And for the record, I think there are times when Owen is deliberately vulgar because he finds it funny. But that could be me over-identifying because there are times when I swear just because I find it funny.

_**I love Janto**_ Canary Wharf, Brecon Beacons, when Jack left etc. being in the field means bad things Ianto Jones. Also in my head canon Ianto has ODT (Obsessive Compulsion Tendencies) which is not the full blown disorder.

* * *

**Title:** Torchwood Scrabble Night

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** Swearing (Owen has a potty mouth)

* * *

J: "Can I go first. Can I?"

O: "Go ahead Harkness."

J: "B - E - T - H - U - M - P; bethump. 3 - 1 - 1 - 4 - 1 - 3 - 3; that's 16 points, now how many bonus points do I get for using all my letters?"

I: "If you are going to cheat Jack, then I am going to use Cymric*."

T: "And I will use Romanji**"

O: "And I want to use the other English tile sets because how the fuck are we expected to spell anything with only 1 Z, 1 K and 2 Ps."

J: "I didn't cheat."

I: "With all due respect sir, looking at the tiles before picking them up was hardly subtle."

* * *

* Cymric is an English word for Cymraeg (the Welsh language), as I am not British I have no idea how common or well known that word is.

** Romanji is the Romanisation of Japanese, it refers to the act of using a Roman/Latin alphabet to write the Japanese language.

* * *

**Word:** Bethump

**be - thump** _(transitive verb)_ : to beat or belt soundly

* * *

**End Notes:** Since we have been talking about Gwen bashing, may I recommend **"Turn Left, Torchwood"** this series of fics are not necessarily the nicest to Gwen, it has one of my pet peeves that I find in quite a few of the longer Gwen bashing fics which is that she keeps on turning up like a bad penny. The premise of **"Turn Left, Torchwood"** is that each episode has one small but significant change to it and that each author must add to (not change) what the previous author(s) wrote. It only is the first season, which is sad.


	10. 010 - Operation: Distraction 2

**Beginning Notes:** _**badly-knitted**_ and _**I love Janto **_I actually view Jack's cheating as kind of a boundary pushing behaviour. I have the opinion that in the 51st Century boundary pushing behaviour is not something a person grows out of; because humanity had spread to other planets (various different living conditions), living with aliens to various degrees etc., that boundary pushing behaviour used to gain a measure of a person.

Also with Gwen, I think it was _**milady_dragon **_who pointed (at least was the first person I came across who pointed it out) out how selective and random Gwen's sympathy was. I think what really stuck out to me was in "Small Worlds" was that Gwen was overly sympathetic towards the dead paedophile. It always came across to me as though she was sympathetic to him was because he was human while killer/s were not, which as a life-long Trekkie rubbed me the wrong way. Also did anyone else thought it was strange that this "empathic, compassionate, caring" person couldn't give two shits about the potential victim of this paedophile that he admitted to attacking when he turned himself in?

* * *

**Title:** Operation: Distraction 2

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

"Excuse me Jack, there is something we need to talk about."

"Of course Ianto, come in."

"Someone has been feeding Myfanwy pizza again."

"Have I ever told you about the time I was the undertapster to Gene Kelly."

"This is series Jack, you know how Myfanwy reacts to dairy and gluten."

"They were filming "Sing In The Rain" and Torchwood was convinced . . . hey, where are you going Ianto?"

"Ianto?"

"Sorry sir, I was just retrieving this. Here you go sir."

"What's this?"

"It is a mop sir. Someone needs to clean up after Myfanwy and I feel it is fitting that the person who fed him pizza should be the one to clean up the resulting mess."

~End

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**Word:** Undertapster

**un - der - tap - ster** _(noun)_ : an assistant or understudy to a tap dancer.

* * *

**End Notes:** This is the first of the unusual words that the random word generator threw out at me. I didn't even know this word existed and it isn't even in .

Ianto knows that Jack gave Myfanwy the pizza because he knows everything (actually it is because Jack went into "bullshit Ianto" mode rather than offer to give a talk to Owen or threaten Gwen with cleaning up). Also as the archivist Ianto will have come across Jack's employee files and know he was no-where near America in the late 40's - early 50's.

Can I just say that I buy into the theory that Myfanwy is a male pteranodon and not a female pterodactyl, just makes it funnier.


	11. 011 - Ask Nicely

**Beginning Notes:** This is an obscure and obsolete word so I am rather uncertain if I had used it in the correct manner, but I have gone where my muses have taken me.

If Jack didn't try to get out of trouble Ianto would probable be convinced that Jack had been replaced. And to be honest I think that Jack likes these little "battles", not only are they are foreplay (to both him and Ianto) but also he enjoys stretching his mind in a "what bullshit story can I come up with now" kind of way.

_**I love Janto**_ just imagine, how quickly could the sex gas debacle could have been resolved (and without any death) if Jack didn't shove a gas mask in Gwen's face. Well maybe's Gwen would have died but lets face it both of us (and many more) wouldn't think of it as much of a loss.

_**badly-knitted**_ one would think that you would hold off naming something until you can figure out its gender, or give it a gender neutral name if you can't figure out its gender. Also they captured Myfanwy by sedating him, that's the best time to gender identify a large bird or reptile. (For those interested, you determine the gender of a bird or reptile you put your finger up the cloaca and if you feel a penis, congratulations it's a boy.)

Also I think that is why Jack is so fond of Gwen and lets her get away with murder, is that he views her boundary pushing behaviour as a less evolved, more cruder form of boundary pushing behaviour that he exhibits and that he grew up with. Where as we view it as someone who wasn't given proper boundaries as a child and as a result doesn't believe that boundaries, that rules apply to them. The difference is that Jack knows when **not** to push and Gwen doesn't. Also Jack seems to be playful when pushing against personal boundaries, as if he acknowledges the line in the sand and is jumping back and forth over it. Where as Gwen just storms past that line, not acknowledging it, and pushing people too far from their comfort zones just to satisfy her desires (her desire to know, her desire to understand, her desire to be acknowledged, her desire to impart her morality of others, her desire to be proven right, etc.).

* * *

**Title:** Ask Nicely

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 15+

**Genre:** Drabble, (there doesn't seem to be a word for a raunchy genre)

**Warnings:** References to m/m sexual situations, explicit terms regarding sexual acts, references to consensual sexual violence (S&M, BDSM, no judgement just a factual description of those kinks/fetishes).

* * *

Captain Jack Harkness was watching Ianto Jones very closely as he loaded the camping gear into the SUV. Or rather he was watching Ianto Jones sublime denim clad arse.

"You know Ianto, there are days when I could just smatch you."

The look that the young Welshman threw him, reminded him that their relationship had new boundaries and he had to be careful when crossing them.

"What, was it something I said?"

But then again boundaries were meant to be pushed against.

"Well it wasn't the most charming offer me fellatio that you have ever thrown my way sir."

"I wasn't referring to tasting you."

"Well if it a sadomasochistic experience you want, you are going to need to ask a lot more nicely than how you did just now."

Ianto Jones smirked as he left Jack Harkness in the Torchwood garage speechless and aroused.

~End

* * *

**Word:** smatch

**smatch** _(noun)_ : to smack, to taste

* * *

**End Notes:** For the record Ianto has no problems with bondage (as long as he is not being the one tied up) and he is also the owner of a ping pong paddle that has been customised (he replaced the rubber with a nice fluffy fabric and reinforced the handle) so he can "deal" with Jack for the times he gets "out of hand". What else did you think they used the hockey sticks for? And Jack finds Ianto's technical descriptions of sex acts a huge turn-on (hey, we all have our kinks), something that developed after living through a very sexually repressed time period.

I actually have a theory as to why Jack never slept with Gwen. As we saw when she confessed about her affair with Owen, she can't (won't) deal with the consequences of her actions. Gwen wanted to be chased, that way when the affair goes belly up (like it did with Owen) she confessed the affair to Rhys it wouldn't be her fault; "oh he pursued me, he was very persistent, it was only once, I regretted it immediately". And Jack would want to be met half way, he wants to be "the chased" as much as he wants to be "the chaser". Which is why he slept with Ianto, because if "Fragments" and "They Keep One Killing Suzie" is anything to go by Ianto pursued Jack (and I honestly think that Jack wouldn't hold Ianto flirting with him to get into Torchwood against him, he undoubtedly flirted with/slept with marks in his conman days and probably viewed it as some sort of karma).


	12. 012 - Item Log

**Beginning Notes:** Yet another word I am unsure if I use properly. But hey, I am having fun with these odd, obscure and obsolete words.

**badly knitted** Jack is just a man, an immortal man but still a man, and from some of the comments he makes leaves me with the feeling that he is judging us by 51st century standards, just imagine yourself in the Early Iron Age. So I think that when faced with something that was remotely familiar to him and reminded him of home, he would hold on to it. Also I think Jack would have been in charge of people (throughout the various wars and various Torchwood assignments) because he had greater experience and a natural charisma not because he has an innate understanding of people and interpersonal relationship. He knows people like Gwen and Owen, he feels he can handle people like them, but he just doesn't get people like Ianto and Toshiko, I know he isn't judging them but he just doesn't know what to say to them, how to get a handle on them and is most likely completely unaware that there are interpersonal problems because the idea that one would keep silent about problems you have with other people is something he finds utterly baffling (at least without the excuse of a really threatening environment).

Also regarding Ianto and sex. His lack of desire to talk about sex is his natural reticence (he is not shy, but is often confused with being shy), he doesn't like listening to other people talking about sex and doesn't like talking about sex with someone unless of course he wants to have sex with them and it is in private (he also just doesn't get porn). And as to his lack of experience, well he is good at research, is willing to learn, willing to be taught and willing to experiment (much to Jack's delight). As I consider CoE non-canon (never watched it and have no desire to watch it, I also don't consider the books or radio plays canon but that is because I don't have access to them) I feel that Ianto doesn't care about what people think about him and his sexuality, he is rather dismayed by the thought of people thinking about him having sex or gossiping about his sex life, again that is his natural reticence. I think he has more hang-ups about the fact that people might think of him as "Estate trash", hence the suits and very formal manner.

For the record I view Ianto's sexuality as more demisexual than bisexual (to hell with RTD's everyone is bi theory), while the Kinsley scale is considered debunked I still think that it is the closest we have come to understanding human sexuality. I think the most accurate map of human sexuality I can think of would be 2 four-sided pyramids stuck together at the base (and even then I don't think it's perfect).

* * *

**Title:** Item Log

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** n/a

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+ (It's Torchwood I will consider everything involved with this fandom at least 13+)

**Genre:** Drabble, (Fictional Report?)

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Item TW3/2006-07-01/025.

A stylet of unknown origins.

The entire length measures 21 centimetres long with a blade length of 13.5 centimetres. Pictures have been taken [link] [link].

The metallurgy report [link] indicates that the entire stylet is made of ferroniobium* with the alloy being at only 40% niobium, unusual of current Terrestrial manufacture. The reports also listed seven trace elements being identified as being non-Terrestrial in origin.

The item in question was fished out of Cardiff Bay as part of the Bay Trawling Initiative. The date it was deposited on Earth is unknown but presumed to be after 1956-03-14 when the last time those co-ordinates was trawled.

The metallurgy report gave an 98.7% alloy match with Item TW3/2006-07-01/008 [link]. Further testing [link] [link] [link] indicated a sub-harmonic resonance with said object.

Currently being examined further by Torchwood Three weapon specialist and second-in-command Suzan Costello.

~End

* * *

* Ferroniobium is an alloy made of iron and niobium, with the niobium content being at 60-70%

* * *

**Word:** Stylet

**sty - let** _(noun)_ : a stiletto or poniard.

* * *

**End Notes:** I believe that the archives are sorted date of encounter rather than the alphabet. Sorting alphabetically never made much sense to me, just imagine how many objects are classified as Unknown Alien Object. Jack does not know every race, every object manufactured across of all time. The files are labelled Torchwood Branch/Date/Object number. Also the dates are year - month - day.

I imagine that at one time trawling the bay happen frequently early on at Torchwood Three but was mostly stopped when fishing in the bay started to dropped off and mostly happened afterwards clandestinely at night and very erratically.

Also I am enjoying talking about my interpretations of canon and love comparing notes with others. If anyone would like to join in the discussions feel free.

I am pretty sure I got the dates wrong, I need to get my hands on a Torchwood timeline. I have actually seen stories where the author has put one up if anyone can help me please drop me a line.


	13. 013 - Bend At The Knees

**Beginning Notes:** Considering how many views I got yesterday (less than 30) I have learnt a very important lesson; _"do not post early, no matter how utterly knackered you are"_.

Also I am posting two drabbles today.

* * *

**Title:** Bend At The Knees

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

"Are you sure Jack?"

"Of course I am Ianto."

"You don't have to do this."

"I want to do this. Don't try to change my mind Ianto."

"Alright then, lets go."

.

_Several Hours Later_

"I can't believe I agreed to do that."

"I did try to dissuade you."

"I can't believe I hurt my back!"

"One should always bend at the knees. I would have thought that you would have known that technique."

"Ianto."

"Yes sir."

"Next time . . ."

"Next time don't overdo it."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Overdo

**o - ver - do** _(noun)_ : _**1.**_ to do to excess; overindulge in

_**2.**_ to carry to excess or beyond the proper limit

_**3.**_ to overact (a part); exaggerate

_**4.**_ to overtax the strength of; fatigue; exhaust

* * *

**End Notes:** For the record Jack was just helping Ianto move furniture. Get your mind out of the gutter people (at least for this drabble).


	14. 014 - Seeking Help

**Beginning Notes:** _**badly-knitted** _as to your question which was found first, well the glove was documented first as indicated by the item log numbers. But I doubt anyone but Suzie could tell you which of the knife and glove was fished out first. As to objects that react to other objects or are otherwise dangerous, well that is why lock boxes and the secure archives exists.

I think that Jack is very good at reading people, as long as they give him something to read. Extremely closed off people (like Ianto and Tosh) don't give him much to read and so as a result doesn't understand them as much as he wants to (he does understand them a bit, but not as much as he wants to).

As for him being very knowledgeable of aliens and technology of various times (seriously how would he have extensive knowledge of races and technology that came after the 51st century). Even if the Time Agency gave him only 10 assignments per years, if each of those assignments were at different time periods than that would require massive info dumps that I doubt that even with 3000 years of cerebral evolution the human mind could handle. So I assumed that each agent specialised in 2 maybe 3 time periods, perhaps even 4 if they were consecutive time periods. Or another theory I had was that there was an organic computer chip implanted into an agents brain which had all the necessary information downloaded into for an assignment and then deleted and overwritten for the next assignment (which could explain why Jack's knowledge is so spotty).

But considering the little information we are given, we have to do some WMG (Wild Mass Guessing) about the Time Agency. We are shown how out of control "John Hart" is and it is implied that Jack was little better but was considered in control enough to be a controller for "John". So I have assumed that agents were given assignment after assignment (with very little time to decompress in between) to the point where there was a large number of burn-outs, a large turnover rate and an exceptionally high addiction rate among long term agents.

Also about I have to agree with your opinion on Ianto not being ashamed of being from an Estate but does have insecurities as a result of growing up on an Estate. If it wasn't for the fact that my mother was very prideful and her parents being very helpful I probably would have been grown up on a Housing Commission lot. And I can't help to be a bit paranoid when walking past a uniform Police Officer or if I am at a Supermarket or a Store and the person serving me is rude I can't help but wonder it is because they think I'm poor and can't pay and am going to cause a scene. I imagine that Ianto might have the type of thoughts that I have. And I don't even a police record like he does.

* * *

**Title:** Seeking Help

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Ianto/Lisa

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Angst

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Ianto Jones quickly made his way through the rabbit warren of underground tunnels that make up the entirety of the Torchwood Cardiff base. It was a good thing that he had memorised all of the maps available for Torchwood Three.

He was on a time limit here, the entire team just went out on a rift alert, he needed to be available when they come back demanding coffee. When he had offered to monitor them from the base, the doctor in the most condescending tone told him to; "go so something more useful, like filing", while the others had just ignored him.

He just needed to find Mainframe, a pity that Captain Harkness didn't utilise every resource available, just imagine how many lives could be saved if he wasn't so hell bent on doing the exact opposite of what London did. Mainframe didn't like being ignored, but then again who does like being ignored, which might make her more inclined to him and less incline to inform the Captain. Eventually he heard the distinctive hum and saw the gentle blue glow that indicated that he was near Mainframe. As he entered the room, he took in all the glowing blue crystals that were growing all over this large room. He quickly started the booting up process. Soon he will know if Mainframe will help him, help Lisa.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Booting

**boot - ing** : restarting a computer or its operating system software.

* * *

**End Notes:** I love the idea of the semi-sentient organic computer "Mainframe". Whoever came up with that idea, you are a genius.


	15. 015 - The Torchwood Tribble

**Beginning Notes:** _**badly-knitted**_ I tend to think of Ianto as being from Newport instead of Cardiff (just like GDL), but that is a personal head-canon thing.

About the Time Agency, I can't remember the fics or the authors but early on in my exploration of the Torchwood fandom I came across two fics. One had the Time Agency as an offshoot of the Torchwood Institute, which has become so bloated and corrupt in its 2-3 century history that it imploded shortly after Jack left. And another had Jack becoming "The Commander", the individual who set up the Time Agency and who ran the Agency remotely and as a result was considered a mythological figure. If I recall correctly the second fic also implied or outright stated that Jack was his own ancestor and when the Time Agency was disbanded he was decapitated and therefore begun the process of becoming the Face of Boe. Both fics influenced my own head canon concerning the Time Agency.

I do believe that The Time Agency was set up for a good reason, time travel became easily available (not publicly, but when has that stopped people when they wanted something) and people are popping all throughout time and it started to destabilised the universe so a police force that specialised in time travel was created. But over a century or two, upper and middle management became corrupt started sending Agents to the future (which had been declared illegal) or creating assignments for the sole purpose of being profitable. Hiring people like "John Hart" became standard practice because those individuals were less likely to challenge orders and more likely to continue the cycle of bad behaviour. But then they went too far they were now destabilising time instead of stabilising it. Another agency stepped in (Torchwood) and disbanded the Time Agency. _(The Sub-Director should never have killed the Director than try to steal the Hope Diamond.)_

* * *

**Title:** The Torchwood Tribble

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** Swearing (Owen's potty mouth, again)

* * *

G: "It's so cute."

T: "It looks like a Tribble."

O: "Lets hope it isn't anything like a Tribble, or goodbye Cardiff."

G: "What's a Tribble?"

I: "It doesn't seem to purr like a Tribble."

J: *sigh* "It is going into the records as a Tribble isn't it."

I: "Of course sir."

T: "What are we going to name it."

J: "Bodge."

I: "No."

J: "I'll have you know that Bodge will become a very popular name in a hundred and fifty years."

O: "That is because people are fuckwits."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Bodge

**bodge** _(verb)_ : to make a mess of; botch

* * *

**End Notes:** I know I am not the first person who has had the idea of the Torchwood team coming across a Tribble-like creature. I am sorry I can't remember who has done this so I can give you credit. It is an utterly brill idea. We don't get enough of the nice stuff from the show. And Tribbles are utterly adorable how can we resist the urge to insert them into the Torchwood universe.

Star Trek would definitely be something that all members (except for Gwen) would be familiar with various levels of like and enjoyment. I say it would be a tie between Owen and Tosh as to who is the biggest Trekkie. Ianto would happily watch it if it is on TV or if a friend has the DVDs (Tosh). Where as Jack would only watch Original Series and the first 6 movies (he views himself as Kirk and Ianto as his Spock, and he has all these interesting cosplay ideas).

My belief is that Gwen would never have been into science-fiction or science-fantasy. I think as a kid she would have considered it something for losers and nerds, and as a pre-teen would have considered fantasy and high fantasy as something for little kids. Also I don't think she was ever an excessive reader, she did the bare minimum of reading to get through school, school wasn't for leaning for her it was for socialising. And I think that being the apple of daddy's eye that she was, she got her father to help her with homework (and he probably ended up doing most of it).


	16. 016 - Owen Is Owen

**Beginning Notes:** As many of you have noticed I have renamed my chapter titles, I have also corrected some of my mistakes (I will freely admit that there are probably more) in several drabbles. It came about when I forgot where I was in the Doc Manager (damn thing doesn't sort your documents by creation date). So I had to rename them so I could get them into an order I could keep track of.

As for Gwen's tastes, it would be dramas, period dramas, romances, rom coms, talk shows, reality and scripted reality entertainment all the way. Also I think she would have been the type of person who would watch the Eurovision Song Contest and laugh at all those funny foreigners.

_**penguincrazy**_ Jack would have been around long enough to see enough operatives die because they couldn't get a hold of information fast enough that he would know and understand that reports were needed (and also was a paid-by-job operative for many years so understands he needs to do the paperwork for everyone to get their salaries on time), just before Ianto he was **_very_** relaxed about getting it done on time and that attitude just got passed down. For Ianto to get paperwork on time he needs to ask Tosh nicely, threaten to withhold coffee from Gwen and Jack (not withhold sex because the idea is to punish Jack not himself) and tape directions to the nearest coffee shop on Owen's computer screen (because just asking or a verbal threat to withhold coffee just makes Owen dig his heels in).

_**badly-knitted**_ I think that by Jack's time what is now considered science-fiction would probably be regarded as fantasy (if remembered). Nit-picking the science of recently released sci-fi movies and television is expected, but as the sci-fi piece gets older nit-picking occurs less and less, because the people that do that understand that science marches on and so does our understanding of it. When was the last time you heard anyone nit-picking the science behind the old Flash Gordon serials or Shelley's Frankenstein. Nit-picking how the Enterprise got to its "planet of the week" would be like nit-picking how Sam and Frodo got to Mount Doom.

* * *

**Title:** Owen Is Owen

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandoms:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Owen Harper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** A bit of naughty language.

* * *

"Owen, are you sure about the death of our most recent alien guest?"

"Course I am Jack. My myologic understanding is second to none."

"Your _what_ understanding?"

"My-ol-o-gy is a branch of a-nat-o-my deal-ing with mus-cles."

"Do you ever get tired of being a condescending dick."

"No."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Myologic

**My - o - log - ic** _(adjective)_

**Myology; my - ol - o - gy** _(noun)_ : the science or branch of anatomy dealing with muscles

* * *

**End Notes:** When looking up the meaning I immediately heard Owen saying it in that "I think you suffer from a severe form of mental retardation" tone of voice. I thought it was hilarious and wrote a drabble around that.


	17. 017 - A Problem Like Ianto

**Beginning Notes:** _**badly-knitted**_ with the paperwork situation I feel that when Gwen had a nice little "welcome to Torchwood" hazing. Everyone completed their paperwork on time (Tosh wasn't in on it and Owen was all for giving the new girl [Suzie's replacement] a hard time) but she wasn't told about the paperwork. So after a week or so Ianto was giving her step-by-step instructions (he was very polite, but was being patronising, no one messes with his paperwork [he also wasn't in on it]) all while Owen was in the background loudly making jokes about the literacy of the police (and perhaps making not so nice comments about how Gwen might have gotten out of paperwork while working for the police), and Jack was making noises that since all the paperwork that was required from her had to do with field missions he might restrict her to the hub until she knew how to do the paperwork. As a result Gwen now makes sure that all of her paperwork it done as soon as it hits her desk (she does only the bare minimum much to the annoyance of Ianto and the future Torchwood teams that rely on her information).

And before Jack left with the Doctor, Ianto wasn't so nice when getting Owen to do his paperwork. Like leaving pictures of victims that looked like Katie around his work area, or perhaps commenting on how since they had information from previous teams that [insert female almost victim here] would go home to her fiancé. Owen could be a bastard but Ianto was determined to be a bigger bastard. But after Jack left Ianto was just leave instruction on his computer screen on how to get to the nearest coffee shop, what he should order and how much that order would be (being treated as if he couldn't be trusted to order his own coffee would have grated on him immensely).

* * *

**Title:** A Problem Like Ianto

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Drama

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

How do you solve a problem like Ianto?

Okay maybe he needed to cut back on the musicals. But he needed something to take his mind off the problem of Ianto Jones.

Ever since the Cyberwoman incident Ianto Jones was even more of a ghost than before. Arriving a good couple of hours before everyone else (bar Jack) and quickly disappearing into the archives, not even going near the little kitchenette or the coffee machine, and staying there for the entire day. Ianto probably has a coffee machine in the archivist office, which in Jack's opinion is so unfair. Ianto leaves via the garage entrance to the archives, making sure that no one sees him.

They now have to get their own coffee, their own food and clean up their own _"shit"_. The situation at the hub had gotten so bad that Owen had confronted him about Ianto's "suspension" and wanted to know when he was coming back to work.

Ianto was sending the necessary information and relevant reports to Tosh's computer, handling the paperwork and maintaining the archives. Ianto was essentially doing nothing more than his official duties. A very interesting and poignant protest.

Maybe he needs to stop thinking of Ianto as a problem, what he need to do is start thinking of the solvability of Ianto Jones.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Solvability

**solv - a - bil - i - ty** _(noun)_

**Solvable; solv - a - ble** _(adjective)_ : capable of being solved as a problem

* * *

**End Notes:** As much I like to think that Jack would have given Ianto a suspension as some sort of disguised bereavement leave, I think that Jack would have been too paranoid to leave Ianto alone for an extended period of time and perhaps concerned about possibility of suicide.


	18. 018 - Bloody Fcking Wales

**Beginning Notes:** _**badly-knitted**_ I think that Ianto can be very vengeful and rather gleeful about it as you can catch glimpses of in 'KKBB' and 'Meat'_._ Yes doing that to Owen would be wrong on so many levels (I feel that the fight witnesses in 'Captain Jack Harkness' did not just come out of thin air but had rather been building for awhile). Ianto when he joined TW Cardiff he was in a **VERY** bad place. Not only was he hiding Lisa, he had PTSD, was injured (at least in my head canon) and this whole situation with Jack was just adding another layer of stress. And Season 1 Owen Harper was a Grade A arsehole. So I just imagined something where Owen made a nasty comment about Lisa (Suzie and Owen would have Tosh look up this person that Jack just hired out of the blue) and slapped one of Ianto's injured spots and Ianto would have had this mental snap;_ "Fuck you, you arsehole. You think you're a bastard, well I can be a bigger bastard!"_ And he would have gone after Owen's soft spots the way that he felt that Owen was going after his soft spots.

* * *

**Title:** Bloody Fucking Wales

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Owen Harper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 15+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** Swearing, swearing and more swearing (seriously Owen needs his mouth washed out with soap)

* * *

A body, a fucking body, dumped out here in the fucking wilderness. Fucking aliens, fucking rift, and bloody fucking Wales.

This body is fucking rank, like it had been allowed to fucking rot for a fucking week. Bloody fucking Wales.

The sound of an SUV, their fucking SUV startled him, startled all of them. Someone had fucking nicked the SUV and used it to destroy their fucking campsite. Bloody fucking Wales.

As he looked upon the destroyed equipment it came to him. A carcass, the body had been treated like a fucking animal carcass, that had been stripped of all its fucking meat. Seriously, bloody fucking Wales.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Carcass

**car - cass** _(noun)_ : the dead body of an animal

* * *

**End Notes:** Sorry to everyone I may have offended, but Owen is a vulgar little bugger.


	19. 019 - Describing Ianto

**Beginning Notes: **I had forgotten this _charming_ part of writing regularly, I am now starting to wake up (usually at 2-3 in the morning) with half-remembered story ideas. One has been banging around in my head for a couple of days I just need to put pen to paper and you might be seeing a proper story from me soon.

_**badly-knitted**_ my head canon it was Jack and Owen sorting through the destruction of Canary Wharf, and my head canon had Ianto overhearing both Jack and Owen at separate time recommend that those who were half-converted be shot and put out of their misery. So for my Ianto getting help from Owen was something he never considered. Also Ianto is very sneaky, he could have easily have gone after Owen and left no evidence, considering how over-emotional Owen can be when stressed, pressed and pissed, it could easily have been seen by the others as him looking for or creating a reason to get rid of Ianto and him persecuting Ianto.

Ianto in that fight always gave me the impression of him having a minor dissociative event.

This is why I like fanfiction and personal head canons. We have two completely different takes on a situation and yet neither of us are wrong. Isn't it brilliant?

* * *

**Title:** Describing Ianto

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour, Romance

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Acuminous, Beautiful, Cunning.

"Jack I need you to complete that paperwork from the Uw'luxan incident last week."

"It will get done Ianto."

"Now Jack."

Ianto didn't leave coffee.

Acuminous, Beautiful, Cunning, Determined, Efficient, Fascinating, Graceful, Handsome, Immaculate, Juicy, Knowledgeable, Loyal.

Ianto didn't leave coffee! Damn, he must be serious about the paperwork. But I was doing very serious work. Describing Ianto Jones is very serious work indeed. Pity Ianto doesn't agree, I really want a coffee.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Acuminous

**a - cu - mi -nous** _(adjective)_

**Acumen; a - cu - men** _(noun)_ : the ability to judge well; keen discernment; insight

* * *

**End Notes:** Our talk about Team Torchwood's relationship with paperwork inspired this drabble.

I was actually going to use jaunty as a shout-out to **_hklbry_** but thought better of it (well not thought better of it, just thought it didn't belong), and juicy does sound like a word Jack would use to describe someone.

Also another fic rec; it is **Karma** by **Quite Time**, I have to warn you it is a post-CoE fic. Basically the synopsis is; Gwen is shagging Jack, and that brass ring she reached for turns out to be made of lead. Despite it being a post-CoE fic it has both Gwen getting what she wants and Gwen getting what gets what we (the Gwen bashers) she deserves. It ends rather abruptly but is wonderfully in character.


	20. 020 - Policital Correctness

**Beginning Notes:** _**badly-knitted**_ I kind of imagine that Gwen was the only one shocked by Owen's breakdown and Jack suspending him, I think it was coming for a long time. I think that Suzie's suicide kind of shocked him onto the straight track but only for a brief time. I think that Jack for the most part ignored his behaviour (he thought that if left to his own devices he would get better), Tosh enabled it (being sweet on him and being very sympathetic to his situation) and both Suzie and Ianto encouraged it (if the loud-loud mouth is taking all the attention away from me, I can do what I want/need to do). He was like; _"I do not want to go crazy and die"_, and then he started to feel guilty for wanting to live and just started his downward spiral again.

Have you read _**etmuse's **_**Guilt**? That is kind of how I viewed the Lisa situation, Lisa still being Lisa but slowly being overwritten by the Cybermen programming. Also because in my head canon Ianto has telepathy (depends on my mood on what level he has) and I don't think he could have been deceived at the beginning if it wasn't Lisa.

* * *

**Title:** Political Correctness

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "So who is this person that has our object."

T: "George Patterson, 22 years old, unemployed, living with his de-facto partner Elizabeth Stone, 25 years old, aged care worker."

O: "Why do these things keep on falling into the laps of slackers?"

I: "I believe the politically correct term is non-worker."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Nonworker

**non - work - er** _(noun)_ : a person who does not work as s/he should


	21. 021 - Thwarted Lecturer

**Beginning Notes:** I done some experimenting with uploading my documents using LibreOffice as oppose to the Copy-N-Paste document creator. And now I understand why so many stories on this site have such shitty formatting, as my uploaded document had all of it's formatting removed.

_**badly-knitted**_ and _**I Love Janto**_ while nonworker is the proper term for a slacker/bludger I have no idea if it is the Politically Correct term. However Ianto would just jump at the chance to be a smartarse. I think that as an anally retentive archivist and administrator that Ianto is would see political correctness as giving things a proper label. He might think certain terms are ridiculous; for example _Personal Service Professional_ (which I personally think is an awesome term, ridiculous but ridiculously awesome, much better any of the million and one euphemisms for sex worker).

_**badly-knitted**_ I am in the process of checking out _**teachwriteslash's**_ fiction. It has been a bit of a hassle, they have friend-locked their LJ and their DW account just ripped the formatting off LJ and their master lists has links to their LJ not DW, so I have been wadding through their archive and trying to find their fics that way.

* * *

**Title:** Thwarted Lecturer

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

O: "Here you can see these interepimeral glands. At first I thought they were nothing more than simple scent glands, but actually . . ."

[blaring claxons]

T: "Rift alert."

G: "Save by the bell."

O: "Hey I wasn't finished!"

J: "Work to do Owen."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Interepimeral

**in - ter - e - pim - er - al** _(adjective)_ : between the epimeral plates of insects and crustaceans


	22. 022 - Tired

**Beginning Notes:** Here is a strange coincidence; Welsh is the third in the language selection list of LibreOffice. The first two are expected; English (Aus) and English (USA).

_**I love Janto**_ I imagined Owen's lectures to be like those conversations with that person who you get stuck next to on a plane. As in; _"I find this subject absolutely interesting and I am going to bore you with every minute detail until the plane lands"_. I don't think that he would be gross for being gross sake (at least in this situation, he wait for everyone to be eating for the disgusting stuff); he wouldn't hold back on any of the details but he wouldn't be unnecessarily descriptive, it would be utterly boring and clinical.

_**badly-knitted**_ I imagine Tosh's lectures to be a bit like the technobabble expositions in Star Trek and everyone else is just nodding at the right intervals, everyone is probably thinking; _"I have no idea what your talking about but I understand the gist of it, I think"_ with perhaps only Jack understanding what she is going on about. For the most part I think that everyone is more polite when Tosh lectures than when Owen does it, because Jack gets a little cranky when Tosh is interrupted. Jack would probably think along the lines of; _"look at her, she's alive, she's glowing, this is what she was born for, I'm so glad I got her out of that UNIT cell, the scientists of my time would have loved her"_.

* * *

**Title:** Tired

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Drama

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Ianto Jones was quickly making his usual coffee round for Torchwood. A Mocha for Toshiko, a sweet Flat White for Suzie, an unsweet Long Black for Owen and finally a double sweet cup of "rocket fuel"** for Jack.*

A squawk overhead got his attention, he lifted his head up to watch as Myfanwy settled himself into his nest. It reminded him that he needed to get some more nesting material before he cleaned up the nest. A prehistoric pinionist, a pet that every 5 year old wants and all he can think about is cleaning up after it.

"Oi Teaboy, my coffee, sometime today."

His endless list of tasks never ended and everybody has no qualms about adding more work upon his shoulders. Some days he was tired, so damn tired.

~End

* * *

* I actually gave more thought than I probably should have to the various coffee drinks that Team Torchwood have. For the record I think that Gwen drinks Lattes or Cappuccinos depending on her mood (probably can't tell the difference between them). Mochas for Tosh because I think she would love the sweet bitterness of that drink. Long Black (although not drunk typically in Britain; it is essentially a reversed Caffe Americano) for Owen because I see him getting through med school subsiding on strong instant coffee without milk or sugar and it just becoming the coffee he drinks. Flat White is a drink from Australia/New Zealand, how Suzie developed a taste for it is just another mystery of Suzie Costello. "Rocket fuel" is just a really, _really_ strong coffee I imagine that Jack has stronger than currently normal senses and needs really strong flavours so that he isn't tasting the chemicals and preservatives.

** I came across a story in the NCIS fandom that had a joke recipe for the "Cowboy" coffee that Gibbs drinks. It goes like this; equal parts coffee and water, boil for an hour, throw a horseshoe in it, if the horseshoe sinks throw in more coffee. I kind of imagine this being the type of coffee Jack drinks.

* * *

**Word:** Pinionist

**pin - ion - ist** _(noun)_ :any winged creature


	23. 023 - I'm A Doctor Not A

**Beginning Notes:** _**mardar**_ when I was a kid I had a friend who would half fill a glass with milk than the rest with coffee grounds and then eat the wet coffee grounds with a spoon. I also do that, but with Milo instead of coffee.

_**badly-knitted**_ I think Ianto's excessive workload is a result of poor communication. Jack never told Ianto or any of the others what his official duties were, so Ianto just cobbled together a list of duties to do. Owen saw him cleaning, assumed that cleaning was what he was hired for, so assigned him to clean-up the autopsy bay and taking care of the dead bodies. Tosh and Suzie saw him cleaning up and re-organising the archives so assumed that he was hire to be an archivist, so they were constantly asking him to fetch items and files from the archives and would summon him to send them back. Gwen and Jack were constantly asking for food and coffee (which started because he went to get himself lunch one day and thought it was rude to buy only for himself and because he works for a bunch of selfish brats who just demanded that he do it all the time). Jack saw him working data entry and confused it with admin so introduced him to all of the paperwork involved with running Torchwood Three (he wanted someone who knew how to keep Torchwood running for when he left with the Doctor). Because Ianto came from an environment (Torchwood One) where if you needed to sneeze you needed all of the proper paperwork in triplicate, he assumed that when the others were piling more jobs on him it was with Jack's okay. And nobody was telling anyone else what tasks they told Ianto to do and no one thought to ask Ianto exactly what tasks he was doing. Which is how Ianto ended up doing enough work for 2-3 full time jobs.

_**I love Janto**_ I only read NCIS fanfic occasionally, I abandoned NCIS about a season after "Aliyah" simply because I felt that storyline and how they resolved it jumped the shark. What country allows a federal agency to employ a person that has been implicated in espionage and terrorism? Also the longer a television series goes on the characters should grow, evolve become more 3-Dimensional (at least in non-comedic shows) and yet the longer that NCIS runs the more I feel the characters have turn into vicious 2-Dimensional caricatures of themselves.

* * *

**Title:** I'm A Doctor Not A . . .

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** Swearing (*sigh* Owen)

* * *

J: "So this is our dangerous alien."

T: "I did state that the remote scans weren't accurate."

G: "It's a tree. Hardly dangerous."

J: "It could be toxic."

T: "Passively toxic like an Azalea* or actively toxic like that Spitting Venus** we came across last year."

O: "It looks like it is some sort of prunus."

J: "Are you sure."

O: "No I'm bloody not sure. I'm a doctor not a fucking botanist!"

~End

* * *

* I actually live in an area where it is illegal to dispose of azalea bushes by burning them because the smoke they create is toxic, you also can't dump them in landfill or bury them because toxins leech into ground.

** I imagined the Spitting Venus to look kind of like the Peashooter from PvZ.

* * *

**Word:** Prunus

**pru - nus** _(noun)_ : a genus of trees and shrubs, which includes the plum, cherries, peaches, nectarines, apricots and almonds.


	24. 024 - Studies Of Interest

**Beginning Notes:** Another word that inspired two drabbles so I am posting both today.

This is a Torchwood Future drabble. May I state for the record CoE never happened.

* * *

**Title:** Studies Of Interest

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, OC

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

"Captain a moment."

"Sure Bobby."

"Why are there 1,026 separate medical reports on Weevils?"

"Torchwood was set up in Cardiff in 1885, Weevils were established here before that, it became a bit of a ritual for a newly hired doctor to perform an autopsy on a Weevil.

"These aren't autopsy reports and they are all by one doctor; a O. J. Harper."

"A lot of operatives have had their own areas of interests that they study in down times. Owen Harper's was interested in Weevil biology."

"There is an intense focus on reproductive organs and behaviour."

"Dr. Harper was the one who discovered how they reproduced."

"Almost a third of these reports date after Dr. Harper's discovery."

"He wanted to be sure?"

~End

* * *

**Word:** Biology

**bi - ol - o -gy** _(noun)_ : the science of life or living matter in all of its forms and phenomena, especially with reference to origin, growth, reproduction, structure and behaviour

* * *

**End Notes:** I think that Owen's middle name is Jack, something that rather embarrassed him when he got hired by Torchwood and had to put up with Jack Harkness. Poor bastard, not only does he have to put with a birthday that falls on Valentine's his middle name happens to be shared with his boss.


	25. 025 - Operation: Seduction

**Beginning Notes:** _**badly-knitted**_ I think that when Jack found out that Ianto assigned himself the task of looking after the archives, Jack had this _"Oh Shit!"_ moment. As Jack was by himself until he hired Toshiko he didn't have the time to find and remove his employee files (it was always on his to-do list, but he was run ragged even after he had hired Tosh, Owen, Suzie). But some time had passed and Ianto never said anything he assumed that Ianto never found his employee files or any of the other references to him in the archives, where as Ianto didn't mention it because he had his own secrets to protect.

* * *

**Title:** Operation: Seduction

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

"Did I ever tell you that I got excellent scores in my biology tests at school."

"Not your best sir."

"C'mon Ianto, play along."

*sigh* "Fine."

"I said I was excellent at biology at school."

"I have no doubt about that. Now I need to get back to work."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Biology

**bi - ol - o -gy** _(noun)_ : the science of life or living matter in all of its forms and phenomena, especially with reference to origin, growth, reproduction, structure and behaviour

* * *

**End Notes:** Ianto has no time for bad, cheesy pick-up lines.

Here is another fic rec. **Coffee and Meetings** by **Secrets-and-Smiles**. It had just an interesting concept (at least when it was written, now it seems like everyone and their dog have written a _"Jack and Ianto meet, before they actually meet"_ story. It is on this site and is very short, so if you don't have a lot of time you can check it out very easily.


	26. 026 - Wedded Bliss

**Beginning Notes:** This is a drabble that takes place in the past.

_**badly-knitted**_ you totally took the thoughts I had about Ianto knowing and keeping Jack's secret right out of my mind and made it more coherently than I did.

_**badly-knitted**_ and _**I love Janto**_ as for Owen's studies of the Weevils, well I have often heard stories about scientists and researchers who get a theory in their head and then spend the rest of their lives trying to prove themselves right. In my head canon, Owen got the idea in his head that Weevil violence was related to mating behaviour. Humans got to close to a nest of baby Weevils (I want to use the term puggle, which is the proper term for a baby echidna or platypus), mama Weevil attacks; humans get to close to a pair of Weevils engaged in mating behaviour, get confused with rivals, get attacked; male Weevil chases after unwilling female, gets chased out of the colony (similar to some chimp behaviours), comes across humans topside, attacks them etc.

* * *

**Title:** Wedded Bliss

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, OC

**Pairings:** Jack/OC

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Romance

**Warnings:** References to both marital and extramarital f/m sex

* * *

Maggie giggled as Jack lifted her up into his arms to carry her over the threshold. She was now Mrs. Jack Harkness, the thought of it made her absolutely giddy. Oh, her mother didn't like Jack; he was course, ill-bred and an American to boot.

Oh she couldn't tell her mother that she found Jack's lewdness exciting and refreshing. Jack didn't treat her like she couldn't keep a thought in her head just because she was born a woman or that she was some wilting flower that would faint at the merest hint of sex.

"So Mrs. Margaret Harkness are you ready to try out the marital bed." Jack's grin said it all.

"I fail to see how the bed would have changed in the last 2 days."

As Jack carried her with ease to their bedroom she could honestly say that there was no way that she could honestly be happier.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Marital

**mar - i - tal** _(adjectives)_ : relating to marriage or the relations between husband and wife

* * *

**End Notes:** That style of wedding photo that is shown in "Something Borrowed" would be around 1910 or older (at least to my knowledge, 10 years later the woman standing and at least the woman smiling would the norm). And to my way of thinking Jack would have never married a "proper" Victorian lady.


	27. 027 - Item Log 2

**Beginning Notes:** _**badly-knitted**_ I got the image in my head of Jack telling his soon-to-be-wife stories about how in 100 years teaching girls maths and the sciences will be the norm and how we will utter a female scientists name in the same breath of male scientists without giving it a second thought.

Double posts again.

* * *

**Title:** Item Log 2

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** n/a

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Fictional Report

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Item TW3/1961-03-24/001

A weapon of unknown origin.

Found in Llandaff Fields, close to Cathedral Road. Response to rift alert. Refer to Rift Report 1961/12, Incident 7.

A cylindrical rod 15.4 centimetres in length. Discharge point is 3.7 centimetres in length. Photographs have been taken [attachment 1].

Metallurgy report [attachment 2] indicates that the object in question to be made from 96% Cadmium. Other 4% is unidentified and presumed to be non-terrestrial in origin.

While being physically examined the object in question gave off an electrical discharge. This interaction was replicable [attachment 3].

Tested object on Operative J. Harkness [attachment 4], proved to result in a non-lethal debilitation upon skin contact.

Currently being examined by Torchwood Cardiff's technical specialist Operative R. Hopkins to explore the prospect of reverse engineering the object to produce a weapon designed as a method of non-lethal debilitation for human and close-to-human targets.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Debilitation

**de - bil - I - ta - tion** _(noun)_

**Debilitate;** **de - bil -I -tate** _(verb)_ : to make week or feeble; enfeeble

* * *

**End Notes:** And lo and behold the birth of the Stun Gun. The Taser begun development in the early 60's and wasn't a finished product until the early 70's. I assumed that it was a parallel development situation otherwise why wouldn't Torchwood just modify the Taser to make it easier to recharge and reuse, because using at a distance is much more safer than requiring close contact.

Also I think that the rift reports (reports on all rift activity with links to all the related incidents) are done on a weekly basis.


	28. 028 - Torchwood Karaoke Night

**Title:** Torchwood Karaoke Night

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** Karaoke (some things just need warnings)

* * *

G: "Your turn Ianto."

I: "No"

O: "C'mon mate, get that stick out of your arse."

I: *glare* "Not happening."

J: "Go on Ianto. Go make a tomfool of yourself."

I: "No where near drunk enough."

T: "Please Ianto, I'm sure you have a nice singing voice."

I: "You lot aren't going to leave me alone are you." *sigh* "Fine"

O: "This is going to be a riot."

J: "Shush you."

G: "I can't believe we're doing karaoke."

I: *steps up on to the stage* _"Keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel."_

T: "Um Jack, you're drooling."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Tomfool

**tom - fool** _(noun)_ : a grossly foolish or stupid person; a silly fool

* * *

**End Notes:** If you haven't seen Gareth David-Lloyd performing **The Doors** **"Roadhouse Blues"** you need to watch it on YouTube like yesterday. I recommend the vid uploaded by a user called **MrsHarkness1** as they have the best audio quality.

Also I have just found out today that GDL is doing voice work for **Dragon Age: Inquisition**, which had me howling in denial. I have had banned myself from buying EA games in protest of their anti-consumer practices.


	29. 029 - Cuddling

**Beginning Notes:** Another double post today.

_**badly-knitted**_ Jack wouldn't have been as active in the Suffragette Movement or even funded it in my head canon. He was hired by TW in 1899 and was shown to someone who would piss away his money on alcohol. So when he was drinking away his problems the Suffragette Movement had been chugging along for over 20 years. And then when he was hired by TW I believe he was only paid the bare minimum in an effort to keep him on a leash, so he wouldn't have had the money to put into the movement (even if he was unconcerned enough about timelines to interfere in such a way). But later on he would have been a part of it sure, he would have been a part of the protests, handing out leaflets, even protecting the female protesters from violence.

_**I love Janto**_ Jack would have been volunteered to do these tests by however was in charge. Depending on the individual in charge depended on how "nicely" he was told to submit to these tests.

* * *

**Title:** Cuddling

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Romance

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Jack stood in the doorway of the Hub's little kitchenette and watched putter around as he prepared the teams coffees.

It has been one of those "longer than a day" days. Somewhere along the line Ianto had shed his suit jacket, his waistcoat undone, shirt sleeves rolled up and his tie was loosened. As far as Jack was concerned it was the hottest Ianto ever looks. Well aside from when Ianto was half-dressed, undressed, formally dressed, casually dressed; well Ianto was hot period.

Jack moved until he was pressed up against Ianto's back, he pressed his nose into Ianto's neck and breathed in. He was so glad that he got Ianto to stop using aftershaves or colognes, so that he no longer smelt so artificial, so unnatural.

"Oi, could you wait to fondle the Teaboy until after I get my coffee."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Fondle

**fon - dle** _(verb)_ : to handle or touch lovingly, affectionately or tenderly; caress


	30. 030 - Making Coffee

**Beginning Notes:** This is the most drabble-like drabble I've written. Not very happy with the length, but I write what the muses command me to write.

* * *

**Title:** Making Coffee

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Ianto/Coffee Machine _(I joke)_

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Gently tweaking the dials. Fondle the handles. Caress the cups. Tickle the sides.

Sometimes Ianto Jones thought that making coffee was like making love.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Fondle

**fon - dle** _(verb)_ : to handle, or touch lovingly, affectionately, or tenderly; caress


	31. 031 - Operation: Distract 3, Seduct 2

**Beginning Notes:** I have noticed that when I double post the first drabble gets about half the visitors of the second post. Working ideas include using the 'beginning notes' to warn about double posts for the next day; or perhaps choosing a day of the week for 'excess' posts and limit one post a day for the rest of the week. Ideas are welcomed.

Also I am running out of prompts (lest than 10); if someone wants to send me prompts PM me or give me a review.

* * *

**Title:** Operation: Distraction 3/Seduction 2

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 15+ _(I understand that people might think that I should be rating this higher but this is stuff that wouldn't be out of place in a MA15+ flick or show, and two it would be rather hypocritical of me to suggest to a 15 year old not read this as I was reading far more explicit stuff at 15)_

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour, Raunchy

**Warnings:** References to m/m sexual acts.

* * *

"Jack do you have a moment?"

"Sure Ianto take a seat."

"Jack the paperwork . . ."

"Did I tell you about this soldier I met in the Balkans?"

"for the annual budget . . ."

"He was from Greece, he couldn't speak English and I couldn't speak Greek."

"needs to be done before the end of the month."

"But then again, we were using our months for things other than speaking."

_*sigh*_

"Seriously the things that he could do with his tongue."

"Jack."

"Yes Ianto."

"Be a good boy and do this paperwork, and then I'll be a naughty boy and give you that blow job you are angling for."

"Really. Just how naughty are you going to be? Naughty enough to blow me while I'm on the phone to the PM."

"You can pretend your on the phone to the Prime Minister."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Balkans

**bal - kan** _(adjective)_ : **1.** pertaining to the Balkan States or their inhabitants.

**2.** pertaining to the Balkan Peninsula

**3.** pertaining to the Balkan Mountains

_(noun)_ : the Balkan States

* * *

**End Notes:** When Jack tries a distraction sometimes Ianto just counters back with a seduction. Not very often though, Ianto is afraid of it losing it effectiveness.


	32. 032 - Operation: Seduction 3

**Beginning Notes:** _**badly-knitted**_ I just don't see it being viable to post twice daily for me. I make sure to post around 5:00 pm AEST (Australian Eastern Standard Time), that is the time that the days tick over on this site. I try to make sure that I have the drabble/s up a couple of hours before so that I can give it a couple of re-reads in an effort to find typos and misspellings (not that it works, fucking dyslexia [BTW who decided to lump that particular disorder with that awfully spelt word]). I have managed to write up quite a backlog I might just announce in the summary I'm doing more than one post a day, still debating that. It will be at least a week before you see the drabbles to the words you gave me.

* * *

**Title:** Operation: Seduction 3

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 15+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** Swearing (not Owen this time!)

* * *

I: "Well that Weevil hunt could have gone better."

J: "I think that outing had a positive outcome."

I: "Which is?"

J: "You are dirty, very dirty. When you're dirty, you need to get clean."

I: "We are not fucking in the bath . . . again. I had to clean the backwash right after we finished."

J: "What about the shower. Shower sex is always fun."

I: "I am going to have a shower, by myself. Then I am going to bed to sleep for a week. As long as you behave yourself you are free to join me."

J: "Ianto."

I: "After your own solidarity shower."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Backwash

**back - wash** _(verb)_ : to affect, as by hitting, rocking, or splashing, with a backwash


	33. 033 - Fanfiction

**Beginning Notes:** Tomorrow I will start with posting 3 drabbles a day. I'm going to put in the summary and in the beginning notes at the final drabble of the day. Hopefully that will help with that problem.

_**badly-knitted**_ well Ianto in a typical display of British understatement did say it could have gone better. Also in my head canon Ianto is never really up to anything after a weevil hunt, because of his bad reaction to adrenaline. My posting at the same time everyday is nothing more than a combination of having nothing to do at that time and being a tad obsessive compulsive. Also I have written drabbles for the words you have given me, just that if I post one drabble a day for the next 3 weeks I would still have drabbles left over. What started as having 2-3 drabble backlog because when I started these drabbles when I was sick (just a cold, but still was feeling pretty rotten) and wanted backup if I couldn't write a day has gotten a little out of control.

_**I love Janto**_ sorry about the posting at what I charmingly call "fuck o'clock" in the morning. But it would be that time somewhere no matter at what time I posted. I wonder what time this site is set on, because I thought it was US EST.

* * *

**Title:** Fanfiction

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Toshiko Sato

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto, Set(Seth)/Horus

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "Tosh have you managed to translate that text that came through the rift last week."

T: "The translation is almost finished. Thank heavens for Ianto, I would have wasted hours putting that through the translations programmes because I wouldn't have recognised Demotic as a human language."

J: "When it's done, come up to the boardroom. We'll read it together.

.

_30 Minutes Later_

J: "So this is nothing more than a story about Set and Horus*."

T: "This is really graphic."

J: _*__grins*_ "Yes it is."

T: "Is that possible?"

J: "Don't know. But I will have fun when I talk Ianto into trying it."

T: "I should be getting back to work."

_*taps ear piece*_ J: "Ianto, how would you go about archiving Ancient Egyptian slash fanfiction?"

~End

* * *

* In some myths, the God Thoth was said to be the result of a union between Set and Horus.

* * *

**Word:** Set (Seth)

**set **: Ancient Egyptian God of Desert, Storms, Disorder, Violence and Foreigners


	34. 034 - Operation: Seduction 4

**Beginning Notes:** This is drabble 1 of 3 of 23/07/14

_**badly-knitted**_ if anyone was writing smutty fanfics I would point at the Ancient Hindus (the people who gave us the Kama Sutra), the Ancient Greeks (there is so much slash and mpreg in Greek Mythology), and the Ancient Romans (filthy buggers, as all the erotic art found Pompeii and Herculaneum can prove). I just don't like the massive backlog, as I have not written anything in quite awhile I am rather paranoid about becoming demotivated.

_**I love Janto**_ I think that Tosh wouldn't be embarrassed by reading smutty fanfic (I totally see her getting her hands on those Star Trek Zines in the late 80's-early 90's), I think it would have been the fact she was reading it with someone, particularly Jack (who no doubt had a running commentary going) was the source for any embarrassment.

* * *

**Title:** Operation: Seduction 4

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

I: "You were not joking about the blossoms of this plant."

J: "I'm hurt Ianto."

I: "You did say that they would only bloom every 100 years."

J: "Actually I said they bloom once a year, but a year on their planet of origin in 101 of our years."

I: "Ah, of course you did sir. Please forgive me for making such a horrendous mistake."

J: "Hey, don't be so cheeky."

I: "The flowers, they are so . . . flammeous."

J: "You know, on some worlds the scent of these flowers are an aphrodisiac."

I: "And some people consider eating Spanish Fly an aphrodisiac but you don't see me rushing off to buy some."

~End

* * *

**Word: **Flammeous

**flam - me - ous** _(adjective)_ : pertaining to, consisting of, or resembling, flame

* * *

**End Notes:** I am pretty sure that Spanish Fly isn't legal in the UK, but this is Torchwood (above the police, outside of the Government etc.) and Ianto is very resourceful. If he wanted Spanish Fly, he could get Spanish Fly.


	35. 035 - Alien Biology 101

**Beginning Notes:** This is drabble 2 of 3 of 23/07/14

* * *

**Title: **Alien Biology 101

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "The w'Landt have three genders; female, male and female/male."

I: "Wouldn't hermaphrodite be the proper term."

J: "The females and female/males live in separate colonies. Both are capable of parthenogenesis but only the females reproduce that way, that why they have separate colonies, the females want nothing to do with the female/males."

I: "Did they evolve into separate species?"

J: "Not by my time but in the future, who knows. Anyway, they are monogenic in a way; the females only have females and the female/males only have female/males.

I: "Explains how they could maintain separate colonies."

J: "With any species that reproduces by parthenogenesis every couple of generations some males are born."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Monogenic

**mon - o - gen - ic** _(adjective)_ : producing offspring of one sex


	36. 036 - While Jack Is Away

**Beginning Notes:** This is drabble 3 of 3 of 23/07/14

* * *

**Title:** While Jack Is Away

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a (Owen isn't swearing for once)

* * *

T: "Owen you're so tiny."

G: _*giggle*_ "So petite."

I: "Utterly diminutive."

O: "Oi! Fix that Incredible Shrinking Machine and then fix me!"

I: "Perhaps. Have you learnt your lesson about fiddling with the tech on Tosh's desk?"

O: "Not funny Teaboy!"

I: "It is. Just a bit."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Diminutive

**di - min - u - tive** _(adjective)_ : small; little; tiny

* * *

**End Notes:** The title "While Jack Is Away" came about because I automatically put this drabble in the time where Jack was with the Doctor.


	37. 037 - Thwarted Lecturer 2

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 24/07/1

Announcing the thrice daily drabbles in the summary and putting up the drabble numbers in the beginning numbers has resulted in about the same difference that could happen during the once a day postings, so with the massive sample size of 1 day, I declare this experiment a success.

_**badly-knitted**_ I am half tempted to dare you to write a drabble using the word "flammeous", but I'm not that mean. I imagine that Torchwood created a bunch of front research companies that had all of the necessary paperwork in order to legally import illegal substances for "research purposes".

_**I love Janto**_ its so true, if Jack stopped harassing Ianto, the first thing Ianto would do would be to drag him to the autopsy bay.

* * *

**Title:** Thwarted Lecturer 2

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

O: "So I studies the liquid that is in the vial, extensively I might add. From the mass spectrometer results it is shown that the liquid is some sort of nitrol based compound. Naturally I added some of the liquid to the water of the lab rats. The results were . . ."

I: "Lunch everyone. I got fish and chips."

J: "Ianto you're a lifesaver! I could just kiss you!"

O: "Hey!"

G: "I'm starved."

O: "Oi! I'm talking here!"

J: "And you can continue talking as long as you don't mind your lunch cold."

~End

* * *

**Word: **Nitrol

**ni - trol** _(noun)_ _[chemical]_ : any one of a series of hydrocarbons containing the nitro and the nitroso or isonitroso group united to the same carbon atom

* * *

**End Notes:** I did you understand the meaning to the word, because I sure as hell didn't.


	38. 038 - Official Protest

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 0f 3 24/07/14

* * *

**Title: **Official Protest

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings: **Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warning:** n/a

* * *

I: "Must you always cheat?"

J: "I'm not cheating . . . much."

I: "Oh you're cheating horribly and unrepentantly."

J: "Do you want me to remove my hand?"

I: "Only if you want decaf for the forseable future."

J: "You were complaining about my cheating."

I: "Merely making an official protest regarding your underhanded tactics."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Underhanded

**un - der - hand - ed** _(adjective)_ : not open and aboveboard, secret and crafty or dishonorable


	39. 039 - While Jack Is Away 2

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 0f 3 24/07/1

* * *

**Title: **While Jack Is Away 2

**Author: **Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

O: "Oh we should do something as a team."

G: "Owen."

O: "We have spent too much time down here."

G: "Owen!"

O: "It's so dark and dank down here."

G: "Will you shut it!"

O: "We should go to that new Chinese Buffet place. What could go wrong?"

G: "Don't you get tired of being an arse."

O: "Well maybe you shouldn't have jinxed us."

I: "And not Tosh and me have to clean up the mess that a Hoix mad in that restaurant."

O: "And what does that make me and Gwen?"

I: "Gwen and I."

T: "Useless."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Buffet

**buf - fet** _(noun)_ : _**1.**_ a sideboard or cabinet for holding china, table linen, etc.

_**2.**_ a meal laid out on a table or sideboard so that guests may serve themselves

_**3.**_ a counter, bar, or the like, for lunch and refreshments

_**4. **_a restaurant containing such a counter or bar

_(adjective)_ : consisting of food, refreshments, etc., laid out on tables or buffets from which guests or customers serve themselves.

* * *

**End Notes:** This is dedicated to everyone who has ever wanted Tosh to have the last word.

For the record Owen was doing his best Gwen Cooper impression.


	40. 040 - Disgusting Habits

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 25/07/14

* * *

**Title:** Disgusting Habits

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating: **13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** There is a naughty word.

* * *

J: "So this is where you disappear to every afternoon."

I: "I'm just outside the Tourist Office taking a break."

J: "Smoking."

I: "Smoking."

J: "Are you waiting for me to make a comment about kissing an ashtray."

I: "Just finishing my fag*."

J: "Ah."

I: "And I have to admit to be disappointed in you sir."

J: "Why."

I: "I was expecting a comment along the lines of; shoving your cock into an ashtray."

J: "Never smoked, but I have had an addiction or 2 in my past."

I: "Should I be checking the accounts for anonymous payments to a sex therapy clinic."

J: "Hey. You are getting very cheeky, might need to . . . being you to hand."

I: "Case in point."

~End

* * *

* Fag is British slang for cigarette/smoke.

The equivalent homophobic slur in British slang is "pouf" or "poufter". Just read too many fics in this fandom that has the incorrect slang and that really gets my goat.

* * *

**Word:** Addiction

**ad - dic - tion** _(noun)_ : the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma

* * *

**End Notes:** In my head canon Ianto doesn't smoke. But I have read a lot of fics where he does smoke. So Ianto smoking immediately came to mind when I faced with this word.


	41. 041 - End Of The World Blacklist

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 25/07/14

* * *

**Title:** End Of The World Blacklist

**Author: **Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating: **13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

"Ianto."

"Yes sir."

"Next 'End of the World' don't call UNIT."

"Already added to the blacklist sir."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Blacklist

**black - list** _(noun)_ : _**1.**_ a list of persons under suspicion, disfavour, censure, etc.

_**2.**_ a list privately exchanged among employers, containing the names of persons to be barred from employment because of untrustworthiness or for holding opinions considered undesirable

_**3.**_ a list drawn up by a labor union, containing the names of employers to be boycotted for for unfair labor practices


	42. 042 - Why Ianto?

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 25/07/14. **_I published 3 drabbles today. I published 3 drabbles yesterday. And I will publish 3 drabbles tomorrow!_**

_**badly-knitted**_ Jack did say that Owen was welcomed to continue talking, but cold fish and chips are disgusting (which you can't even heat up without making them more disgusting).

I think that Ianto and Tosh were be vey annoyed, they're were planning a nice little night in away from two loud-mouth extraverts and their resulting 'drama'. I have actually looked into the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) and given everyone their nice little labels; Tosh is an ISFP, Ianto is ISFJ, Owen is ESTP, Gwen is ENTJ, Jack is harder to get a read on he is either a ESTP or a ISTP. I think that Jack is so hard to get a read on is because he is either a faux extravert (an introvert who behaves like an extrovert) or before he was immortal was an extrovert but is becoming more introverted the longer he lives. I know it seems like I might have made a mistake by labelling Gwen as T (Thinking) and Tosh and Ianto as F (Feeling), but it makes sense (at least to me).

* * *

**Title:** Why Ianto?

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

"What is it about Ianto?"

"What do you mean?"

"What is it that, I mean, why do you sleep with Ianto."

"Because I want to, because he wants to."

"But why."

"He gorgeous, available; you 21st century lot are all about monogamy. He has great agility in both mind and body. I don't have to lead all the time, seriously it quickly gets old quickly and kinky, Ianto is so very kinky. Gwen are you alright?

"Yes I'm fine. I - I should get back to work."

~End

* * *

**Word: **Agility

**a - gil - i - ty** _(noun)_ : _**1.**_ the power of moving quickly and easily; nimbleness

_**2.**_ the ability to think and draw conclusions quickly; intellectual acuity

* * *

**End Notes:** Despite promising myself I would never write a story where Gwen confronts Jack about his relationship with Ianto, I have done so. As if this fandom needed yet another story of this trope.


	43. 043 - While Jack Is Away 3

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 26/07/14

* * *

**Title: **While Jack Is Away 3

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom: **Torchwood

**Characters: **Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings: **n/a

**Rating: **13+

**Genre: **Drabble

**Warnings: **n/a

* * *

T: "So the object that killed our victim has been linked to the address of one Daryl Howell."

I: "20 years old, no girlfriend, works as a line cook in McDonald's, has had a couple of run in with the law."

G: "So our suspect is a bog standard piece of Estate Trash."

O: "Well the victim won't autopsy themselves."

I: "And I need to research into Howell's movements to construct an accurate timeline on his whereabouts."

G: "What did I say?"

T: "Both Owen and Ianto grew up on Estates."

G: "I didn't mean, I didn't mean, wha-"

T: "No Gwen, you don't think."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Estate

**es - tate **_(noun)[British]_ : a housing development

* * *

**End Notes:** For all the times I just wished someone would just talk over Gwen when she was being an insensitive cow.


	44. 044 - This Or That

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 26/07/14

* * *

**Title: **This Or That

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom: **Torchwood

**Characters: **Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings: **Jack/Ianto

**Rating: **13+

**Genre: **Drabble

**Warnings: **n/a

* * *

"Ianto, I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry Jack?"

"We can't do **_that_**."

"Why can't we do **_that_**?"

"I'm fertile."

"I thought all the oestrogen in the water was suppose to help with that situation."

"Well it hasn't rained in a couple of months."

"Since we can't do **_that_**, why don't we do **_this_** instead. You have never had a problem with doing **_this_** before."

"**_This_** can be fun, **_this_** can be very fun."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Fertile

**fer - tile **_(adjective)_ : bearing or capable of bearing offspring


	45. 045 - Torchwood Drinking Night

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 26/07/14. _**Another 3 drabble today and another 3 drabbles tomorrow.**_

_**badly-knitted**_ 'fag' is actually one of my favourite slang terms simply because I love the horrified reactions from Americans and those only familiar with American slang. That makes me evil doesn't it (ah well I was sorted into Slytherin by Pottermore, being evil can't be helped). My favourite Aussie slang phrase is 'can I bum a fag off you', it just sounds so vaguely dirty doesn't it and I love it. I will never use it thought, I don't smoke.

I also I view Tosh as the one who would be a smoker, took it up as a teenager in a desperate attempt to fit in, who then became a stress smoker in uni.

Who told you that MBTI only focused on positive personality traits? The person who first told me about them was actually going on about how you could use your MBTI classification to point out negative personality flaws to fix or mitigate them. Like for example _**E**_ (extraverts) tend to be unsympathetic to **_I_** (introverts). _**I**_ (introverts) tend to shut down if overly simulated by public situations. **_S_** (sensing) tend to be so focus on the here and now they can't see five minutes ahead of their own nose, where as **_N_** (intuition) have problems with the opposite, so focused on the future they can can't see the here and now. But people who do use the MBTI to assign personality traits to others (or even on themselves) focus on positive traits in the same way that fortune tellers only focus on the positives of astrology signs, palms and tarot cards and don't talk about the negatives because who wants to listen to the negatives.

* * *

**Title: **Torchwood Drinking Night

**Author: **Daashi

**Fandom: **Torchwood

**Characters: **Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Suzie Costello

**Pairings: **n/a

**Rating: **13+

**Genre: **Drabble

**Warnings: **n/a

* * *

O: "So since Jack couldn't join us it is 'buy your own might' tonight."

S: "What ever happened to buying a drink for a lady."

O: "Oh where are my manners. Tosh would you like a drink."

T: "Could I just have a white wine."

S: "Hey, what about me?"

O: "What about you?"

~End

* * *

**Word:** Lady

**la - dy **_(noun)_ : a woman who is refined, polite and well-spoken


	46. 046 - Ianto Jones, Linguistics Professor

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 27/07/14

* * *

**Title: **Ianto Jones, Linguistics Professor

**Author: **Daashi

**Fandom: **Torchwood

**Characters: **Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings: **n/a

**Rating: **13+

**Genre: **Drabble, Humour

**Warnings: **n/a

* * *

O: "It's octopuses."

G: "It's octopi, it's latin."

O: "Learned latin since last week have you Sweetheart."

G: "No, but everyone knows it latin."

O: "Everyone use to think that the world was flat didn't make it true."

J: "Okay kids, what are we fighting about."

G: "The plural of octopus. I'm right and Owen refuses to admit it."

O: "Cooper reckons it's octopi and I reckon octopuses."

J: "Well it sounds like we need an expert. Ianto a moment of your time."

I: "Yes sir."

J: "We have a debate on our hands, a very important question that humanity has asked itself since the dawn of time."

I: "Really sir."

J: "No actually just Gwen and Owen squabbling like children."

G: "Hey!"

O: "Oi!"

I: "About what?"

J: "What is the plural of octopus, octopi or octopuses?"

G: "I say octopi."

O: "Octopuses."

J: "So who is right."

I: "Neither. The plural of octopus is octopodes, it is a remnant for the original Greek, oktopous; 'okto' meaning eight and 'pous' meaning foot. Octopi comes from the common misconception that becomes it ends in 'us' it must be latin. Although octopuses does fit English better."

O: "Suck on that Cooper!"

G: "You weren't right either."

J: "You, go to one corner of the hub, and you, the other corner of the hub. And children don't speak to each other until I say so."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Octopodes

**oc - to - po - des** : the plural of octopus

* * *

**End Notes:** I just added this word to my list when I came across it on dictionarycom, there was a link with the wording; 'Octopuses or Octopi? What's the proper plural.' Being the serial link clicker that I am, I clicked.


	47. 047 - A Man Of Integrity

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 27/07/14

This is the first of _**badly-knitted's**_ words.

* * *

**Title: **A Man Of Integrity

**Author: **Daashi

**Fandom: **Torchwood

**Characters: **Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings: **n/a

**Rating: **13+

**Genre: **Drabble

**Warnings: **OOC Ianto, OOC all around (the ending of 'Small Worlds' always pissed me off, this is more about me venting at 'Team Torchwood')

* * *

G: "That poor girl."

O: "Heartless bastard."

I: "Here, here."

T: "I'm surprised you're not lobbying us to forgive Jack, Ianto."

I: "Someone touched by some unfathomable other, someone who stopped being human the moment she was touched, was sacrificed by Jack Harkness to prevent more than the two deaths that occurred."

G: "Three. The faeries killed three people."

I: "Oh, we're talking about Jasmine, I thought we were talking about Lisa."

G: "It's nothing like that."

I: "The only difference that I see is that your lives weren't in danger so you lot weren't in such a hurry to pick up your weapons."

O: "No wait just one god-damn minute."

I: "Screw everybody else. Screw Estelle Cole, who loved and idolised the Tylwyth Teg since she was a child. Screw Jasmine's stepfather, the man who raised her as his own. Well I am all for celebrating the death of that paedophile, but you Gwen were all for bleeting over his dead body, by the way how did that performance go over with your ex-colleagues."

G: "Ianto."

I: "You lot may be able to convince yourselves that you aren't a bunch of hypocrites and look yourselves in the eye when facing the mirror in the morning, but I don't think for one second I could, I would, look at you lot willing."

O: "Oi, Tosh. Where are you going?"

T: "To apologise to Jack. When the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, Jack will always choose the many, choose Earth, choose Humanity. Jack is a man of integrity."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Integrity

**in - teg - ri - ty **_(noun)_ : adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness or moral character; honesty


	48. 048 - Operation: Seduction 5

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 27/07/14

A _**badly-knitted**_ word.

**_badly-knitted_** as for what Gwen did in the police, well she is shown breaking up pub brawls and serving coffee in 'Everything Changes' as a beat copper. The lowest on the totem pole, considering her age she should have gotten a promotion (especially when she made that little speech in 'Countrycide' about her plans before Torchwood), unless it was a recent career change. Also I've heard that serving coffee is a punishment chore in the police.

In 'Everything Changes' she is shown abandoning her partner (when she followed Torchwood, she took the vehicle Andy and her were assigned and left Andy to walk), abuse of authority (claiming to be on official business in the hospital when she wasn't), ignoring orders (she was ordered to secure the crime scene that Torchwood wanted, not run up to the top of a car park and have a gander), following a vehicle without probable cause, wasting police resources (getting that much put upon Yvonne to do those searches on Jack Harkness and the Torchwood vehicle) and she may have abandoned her post at that crime scene, that was shown in a bit of an ambiguous manner. She was basically shown as the type of copper/bobby/blue heeler that we 'civilians' hate.

* * *

**Title: **Operation: Seduction 5

**Author: **Daashi

**Fandom: **Torchwood

**Characters: **Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings: **Jack/Ianto

**Rating: **13+

**Genre: **Drabble, Humour

**Warnings: **n/a

* * *

"Ianto Jones you utterly fascinate me."

"Thank you sir. The annual reports were completed incorrectly. I trust you to do them properly this time."

"You are a hard man Jones, Ianto Jones."

"Not yet Captain."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Fascinate

**fas - ci -nate **_(verb)_ : **_1._** to attract and hold attentively by a unique power, personal charm, unusual mature, or some other special quality; enthrall

**_2._** to arouse the interest or curiosity of; allure

* * *

**End Notes:** I found out when researching the meaning of the word I found there was an obsolete meaning to bewitch or bespell. Quite fascinating wouldn't you say.


	49. 049 - Slight Loss Of Dignity

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 0f 3 28/07/14

A _**badly-knitted**_ word.

* * *

**Title: **Slight Loss Of Dignity

**Author: **Daashi

**Fandom: **Torchwood

**Characters: **Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato

**Pairings: **Jack/Ianto

**Rating: **13+

**Genre: **Drabble, Humour

**Warnings: **n/a

* * *

As soon as Jack heard the explosion he took off running, leaving Gwen and Owen to trail after him. Ianto and Tosh were on item retrieval, while the rest of them were keeping the public away.

"Tosh! Ianto!"

He comes up to the blast site. Tosh it sitting, looking shocked and dazed, but Ianto was lying prone on the ground.

"What happened Tosh?"

"The device was already activated when got here. Ianto was just a little closer to it than me. Is he alright?"

"Ianto, Ianto. Come on open those beautiful blue eyes of yours."

"Well this appears to be a slight loss of dignity. Must get use to that."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Prone

**prone **_(adjective)_ : lying flat; prostrate


	50. 050 - No Coffee

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 0f 3 28/07/14

A **_badly-knitted_** word.

* * *

**Title: **No Coffee

**Author: **Daashi

**Fandom: **Torchwood

**Characters: **Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings: **Jack/Ianto

**Rating: **13+

**Genre: **Drabble, Humour

**Warnings: **n/a

* * *

Jack knew he was in trouble when as soon as Ianto saw him he spun around to walk quickly in the opposite direction.

"Ianto, may I have a cup of your coffee magic."

The faux rueful look that appeared on Ianto's face shouldn't have been that attractive.

"I'm sorry sir, but it appears to that someone decided to see what would happen when they feed a pteranodon coffee beans. As we don't have any money left in the 'Food and Beverage Allowance' you must take up the lack of coffee with individual responsible."

No coffee, the horror! But Myfanwy seemed to enjoy the coffee. Must increase the budget for 'Food and Drinks'.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Rueful

**rue - ful **_(adjective)_ : feeling, showing, or expressing sorrow or pity; mournful; doleful


	51. 051 - Not The Intended Use

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 28/07/14. Sorry about the late posting today.

A _**badly-knitted**_ word. The first of two drabbles using this word.

_**badly-knitted**_ when I saw 'Everything Changes' I was utterly shocked, it showed Owen as a date rapist and yet managed to make Gwen the least likable character. Seriously when I hear everyone up in arms about fox hunting and the such my first thought is usually well replace the foxes with rapists and paedophiles. We'll get rid of the scum of the Earth, the fox hunters get to hunt something and no foxes die, everybody's happy.

I first thought that the first episode would be introducing Torchwood to the audience via the outsider prospective, which was interesting and very exciting. The outsider blundering in on something they don't know about, something they can't understand and making the situation worse through sheer ignorance, but imagine my disappointment when I found out that the outsider was going to be part of the main cast. And as a 'Audience Surrogate' and 'Author Avatar' combined into one as well. I hate 'Audience Surrogate' characters, that is a breakdown of the relationship between a content creator and the content consumer; it is basically a content creator telling the content consumers that either the consumers are a bunch of drooling idiots or that the creator lack the skill to engage the consumers and put them into a state of suspended disbelief. And while 'Author Avatars' have a bad reputation (especially in the Fanfiction community), but a good 'Author Avatar' is enjoyable, however such a character has no place in television where there is a rotating door of content creators who have to deal with this blank slate/inconsistent character.

* * *

**Title: **Not The Intended Use

**Author: **Daashi

**Fandom: **Torchwood

**Characters: **Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings: **n/a (this is definitely a pre-Jack/Ianto drabble)

**Rating: **13+

**Genre: **Drabble, Humour

**Warnings: **References to sex toys.

* * *

"Sir, saying that you are a pig and live in a pig-sty would be an insult to pigs and their lifestyles of choice."

"That's not fair Ianto."

"I've have here in this box a bunch of objects that were found in your quarters, objects that I am pretty sure are not of present Terrestrial make."

"They're harmless."

"They need to properly archived, weather or not they are harmless. What is this?"

"It is a shoehorn."

"That is not a shoehorn. And from the look you're giving me, I am thinking I should have put on gloves before picking this up."

"Hey, I clean everything after my **_personal_** use."

"Considering the state of your little cubby-hole, I doubt at how thoroughly you actually clean things."

"Hey where are you going?"

"To disinfect my hands and grab a box of latex gloves. Those objects still need to be archived.

"And how are you going to archived these objects?"

"With notes that state that despite being safe for human skin contact these objects should be handled with gloves and that one Captain Jack Harkness should never be allowed alone with such suggestively shaped objects."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Shoehorn

**shoe - horn **_(noun)_ : a shaped piece of horn, metal, or the like, inserted in the heel of a shoe to make it slip on more easily


	52. 052 - Seating Arrangement

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 29/07/14

A **_badly-knitted_** word. The second drabble for this word.

* * *

**Title: **Seating Arrangement

**Author: **Daashi

**Fandom: **Torchwood

**Characters: **Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings: **Gwen/Owen

**Rating: **13+

**Genre: **Drabble

**Warnings: **n/a

* * *

"No."

"C'mon Ianto, just shoehorn yourself in."

"I'm not sitting between Gwen and Owen."

"Why not?"

"Why not! You can't be serious! If they aren't shagging yet they will be soon."

"So don't sit in the middle, have a window seat."

"As if either of them would give up 'their' window seat. You would have to order them, and then I get stuck next to them as they spend the whole trip bitching about the unfairness of the all as they wanted the window seat and didn't get it."

"Well you sit up the front and have Tosh sit between them."

"And having Tosh sit next to Owen and his latest fling is fair to Tosh how?"

"You are just trying to get out of this trip to the countryside."

"Yes. But that doesn't make my arguments any less valid."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Shoehorn

**shoe - horn **_(verb)_ : to force into a limited or tight space


	53. 053 - A Contiguous Incident

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 29/07/14

This is the last of the **_badly-knitted_** words.

* * *

**Title: **A Contiguous Incident

**Author: **Daashi

**Fandom: **Torchwood

**Characters: **Jack Harkness, OC

**Pairings: **n/a

**Rating: **13+

**Genre: **Drabble

**Warnings: **This is a future fic of Jack's past. Prepare for confusion.

* * *

Agent Jaxon* was not a happy being, not happy at all. First Verya** completely loses it after that time loop that they spent 5 years in collapsed. Which then forces the Time Agency to send zer to rehab for narcotics, alcohol and sex. That left Jaxon without a partner. The Agency assigned zer Ioannes***, the biggest stick-in-the-mud dainsy+ that the Sol System ever produced. And now they have cancelled the first leave he has received in 9 months.

"Jaxon, why haven't you changed into the period correct clothing yet?"

"I've just arrived, I travelled here immediately after receiving the message."

"The brief was brief, wasn't it."

"Yes."

"I'll give you the details as you change."

"Fine."

"Standard Time Tourist, went to Khray in the 43rd century. Created a rather serious Contiguous Incident."

"What happened?"

"Ze++ had a run in with one Liam Lukeson, the man who spurned Annia Bod-Lye and prompted zer muder spree."

"The the Murderess of L'landry Bay. So ze doesn't exist any more, that's the deal right."

"Bod-Lye would have become a murder no matter what. This tourist just changed the person ze fixated on. The situation is that we now have a reality where individuals who were didn't die when they should have and individuals who shouldn't have died when they did. We have already seen the ripples outside of the Time Shielding, and two Agents who were descendants of Bod-Lye's new victims disappear from reality."

"Shit!"

"Ready yet? Time is wasting."

Not only is Ioannes a stick-in-the-mud dainsy, ze is still at that stage where ze finds time jokes funny. So annoying.

~End

* * *

* Jaxon is Jack Harkness

** Verya (pronounced Vera) is John Hart

*** Three words; Spatial Genetic Multiplicity, I imagine Ioannes to be the spitting image of Ianto Jones.

+ Dainsy; a future slang term that is a combination of dandy and daisy, which means 'a pompous individual prone to fainting'.

++ Ze/Zer or Zi/Zir is something I have come across in another fandom (I believe it was the Mass Effect fandom) where those words were used as gender neutral, gender ambiguous or bi-gendered pronouns.

* * *

**Word:** Contiguous

**con - tig - u - ous **_(adjective)_ : adjacent in time

* * *

**End Notes:** For those wondering about the naming of Time Agents, I feel that the Agency would assign codenames to their Agents, which would have been taken from one of their names.


	54. 054 - Early Days: Tosh

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 29/07/14

_**badly-knitted**_ that actually shocked me when I was listening to the commentary on 'Everything Changes' they were talking about that scene where Owen dates rapes a woman (later her bloke as well) as being very funny. Allegedly the part of 'Ghost Machine' where Owen witnesses and experiences the rape and murder of Lizzie was written in an effort to redeem his character for the audience, because they reacted so negatively his dating raping of people. Pity RTD and Julie Gardner were so in love with Gwen Cooper (both have said in interviews that they consider Gwen a representation of themselves) they didn't let any redeeming character development she went through stick.

P.S I forgot to tell you this (actually I thought better of it, and now have thought better of that decision), when you mentioned _'rooting for Gwen'_ the childish part of mind snickered and then commented that _'Owen sure did root for Gwen'_. For the record in Australia the word _'root'_ has the same slang meaning as _'shag'_ does in the UK.

* * *

**Title: **Early Days: Tosh

**Author: **Daashi

**Fandom: **Torchwood

**Characters: **Jack Harkness, Toshiko Sato

**Pairings: **n/a

**Rating: **13+

**Genre: **Drabble

**Warnings: **n/a

* * *

"Jack."

"Yes Toshiko."

"What are UNIT doing on Auk Oilfield? It is an oil rig in UK waters."

"Who knows and who cares, probably some alien thing."

"Aren't you curious? Shouldn't we be there?"

"It isn't in Torchwood's jurisdiction."

"But it's UK waters!"

"Original Torchwood charter states that Torchwood has supreme jurisdiction on British soil; key word here is soil."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Oil Rig

**oil rig **_(noun)_ : a structure with equipment for drilling an oil well; an oil platform


	55. 055 - A Proper Welshman

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 30/07/14

* * *

**Title:** A Proper Welshman

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

T: "The object that is actually giving off those electromagnetic signals has actually been encased in another object."

J: "So what is this _'encase'_ made of?"

I: "I believe the proper word you are looking for is **_case_** or perhaps **_enclosure_**."

J: "There are days I hate the English language."

I: "A sentiment shared by many of Welsh individuals over the years." *sigh* "Don't put sir, it merely means we can make a proper Welshman of you yet."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Encase

**en - case** _(verb)_ : to enclose in or as in a case


	56. 056 - Not The Intended Use 2

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 30/07/14

* * *

**Title:** Not The Intended Use 2

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

"Jack what is this?"

"That is my uncapper."

"Really."

"Hey this is a tool that I use in part of the proper maintenance of my guns."

"Of course it is sir."

"I have never used that for anything but its intended use. Well okay maybe once. But seriously Ianto why must you believe the worst of me."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Uncapper

**un - cap - per** _(noun)_ : an instrument for removing an explode cap from a cartridge shell


	57. 057 - The White Cliffs Of Dover

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 30/07/14

_**badly-knitted**_ I have never seen heard of that longest legs rule. It seemed like everything but the person who has the longest legs got the first seat with me and my family. When its a car full of kids, who can run the fastest or who is the oldest. Another one is who gets carsick, because carsickness is more milder in the front seat. When travelling with my mum it is her who gets front seat preference because she has two dodgy knees and she needs to keep them as straight as possible.

Julie Gardener and RTD were the ones doing commentary on 'Everything Changes' and were the ones making those comments about the pheromone spray. I suppose that could have been why I found it so shocking.

I've only encountered Eve Myles in two things; Doctor Who/Torchwood and Dragon Age 2, and those characters pissed me off something fierce. If you aren't aware of Ms. Myles' character in Dragon Age 2 was a companion of the PC called Merrill and she was just god-awful. Merrill wasn't one of those 'doing the wrong thing for the right reasons' characters (but that didn't stop writers from trying to past her off as one those characters) but rather a mix of 'I naively believe this isn't wrong' with a 'stereotypical teenager I'm right, everyone else is wrong'. And to make matters worse she is the only full-time companion that you can't get rid of (well aside from the narrator). You could spend the entire game telling her that what she is doing is wrong and that people will end up dead, and at the end when people have ended up dead because of her you have to comfort her and then take responsibility for her actions. Eve Myles can sure pick those roles!

I know what _'root'_ and _'rooting'_ in places that aren't Australia mean, it just that I have that very juvenile _'tehe, I spelt the word boobies on my calculator'_ reaction. My favourite joke involving that word was actually a play on words. It came about where there was a news story revealing that Sydney prostitutes were offering overseas tourists visiting for the Sydney Olympics discounts; the joke was; **_"Sydney prostitutes, rooting for__ Australia"_**.

* * *

**Title:** The White Cliffs Of Dover

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Toshiko Sato

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "So our object is?"

T: "Chalkstone. A chunk on chalk."

J: "Is it harmless? Is it from Earth?"

T: "It is soaked in rift radiation, but that's harmless. From the tests I've run on it, I would sat that it is from Kent and from the coast."

J: "I've always wanted a chunk of the White Cliffs of Dover."

T: "Why would you want to have a chunk of chalk?"

J: "Not just any chalk from anywhere, a chunk of chalk from the White Cliffs of Dover."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Chalkstone

**chalk - stone** _(noun)_ : a mass of chalk


	58. 058 - Operation: Seduction 6

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 31/07/14

* * *

**Title:** Operation: Seduction 6

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 15+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** Mentions of unsafe sex and STI's. Seriously kiddies always practice safe sex.

* * *

"Today is a glorious day. Today marks the 62nd Anniverse of the birth of the one Freddie Mercury. Lets celebrate Ianto."

"This is you Jack. I am assuming that when you say celebrate you actually mean lets have loud and vigorous sex."

"Got it in one. So lets celebrate."

"So you want to celebrate the life of a man who died as a result of HIV/AIDS by engaging in unsafe sex."

"Well when you say it like that it kind of sounds bad."

"I've got work to do, excuse me sir."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Anniverse

**an - ni - verse** _(noun)_ : obsolete form of anniversary


	59. 059 - A Romantic Declaration

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 31/07/14

* * *

**Title:** A Romantic Declaration

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Romance

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "We should make grand romantic declarations to each other, like they do in all those movies."

I: "No we really shouldn't."

J: "C'mon say something totally romantic and sappy to me."

I: "Fine." _*huff*_ "There are days when you are downright bearable."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Bearable

**bear - a - ble** _(adjective)_ : capable of being endured or tolerated; endurable

* * *

**End Notes:** Because sometimes love is all about not killing them, when they are being annoying.


	60. 060 - Item Log 3

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 31/07/14

_**badly-knitted**_ a lot of gamers will happily scream from the mountain tops that video games have gotten easier, back in the age of Arcade Machines is was all about designing games that would suck the coins out of your pocket, and then with early consoles being inherently unfair to hide the fact that the games were very short (you can actually complete the original Super Mario Bros in less than 10 minutes). If I may be so bold, your problem could easily be the same as my mothers (who use to kick my arse at 'Wonder Boy') which is the problem with transitioning from moving around in 2D to moving around in 3D.

* * *

**Title:** Item Log 3

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** n/a

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Fictional Report

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Item TW3/1995-11-19/001

A medieval tunic, faded dark blue in colour.

Found in Bute Park by Agents J. Harkness and A. Rice, in response to rift alert. Rift report 1995/47, Incident 1.

The tunic is appears to be English medieval style, 13th-14th century. Pictures have been taken [link].

The tunic has been scanned, measured and examined [link] [link]. The material has been identified as kersey. Spores, pollen and other microscopic detritus indicate to be from the Yorkshire area [link].

No further testing is needed.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Kersey

**ker -sey** _(noun)_ : a coarse twilled woollen cloth with a cotton wrap, used especially for work clothes


	61. 061 - A Rock In A River

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 01/08/14

* * *

**Title:** A Rock In A River

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Doctor Who/Torchwood

**Characters:** Doctor

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

The being known as 'the Doctor', a 900 year old Gallifreyan, a 'Time Lord', it had been so long since he had been referred to by his birth name that there were days he was not even sure he remembered it.

As he looked upon his short term companion Jack Harkness. He saw time; always flowing, always moving, but instead of flowing along with time, time moved around Jack. Almost like water flowing around a rock in a river. Time wasn't suppose to have rocks in it.

"That's why I left you behind. It's not easy even just looking at you, Jack, because you're wrong."

Jack was wrong, Jack was life, Jack was time, Jack was fixed, Jack was inclavated.

When this adventure was done he was going to look deeply into the timelines and see how Jack had shaped it, changed it. And he needed to have a conversation with the TARDIS, why had she allowed Rose to do that to Jack.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Inclavated

**in - cla - va - ted** _(adjective)_ : set; fast; fixed


	62. 062 - Chandler & Bell

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 01/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Chandler & Bell

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, Suzie Costello

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

T: "Chandler & Bell, a law firm established in 2003 by Bartholomew Chandler and Charles Bell. The last three months strange non-terrestrial signal emanating from the offices. This coincides with when the offices where shut down for the _**'reworking'**_ of the electrical wiring of the building."

J: "We know this. What don't we know about Chandler and Bell, Tosh?"

T: "Charles Bell, 32 years old, Catholic, unmarried but recently engaged and is dating 2 other women."

O: "My hero."

S: "And Chandler?"

T: "Bartholomew Chandler, Judaist, 39 years old, married with 3 children, has a boyfriend."

J: "My hero."

S: "How does this help us figure out what is causing this signals."

I: "I suppose good old fashioned blackmail is out of the question."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Judaist

**ju - da - ist** _(noun)_ : an adherent or supporter of Judaism


	63. 063 - Pick On Jack Day

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 01/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Pick On Jack Day

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** Swearing

* * *

O: "How can you not like rugby?"

J: "It just never really interested me."

I: "30 healthy, athletic men in tight shirts and tighter shorts rolling about in a field and getting very dirty. Sounds like something you would be very interested in."

O: "Don't tell me that you follow Union instead of League."

I: "I follow both. But one of Jack's favourite sayings is; _'the more the merrier'_."

J: "I like cricket."

O: "Cricket is boring as fuck!"

I: "I'm afraid sir that I must reconsider a relationship with you. A man that enjoys cricket but not rugby is a man I don't want to be associated with."

J: "Is it Pick On Jack Day?"

I & O: "Yes."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Cricket

**crick - et** _(noun)_ : a game popular especially in England, for having two teams of 11 members each that is played on a field having 2 wickets 22 yards (20 metres) apart, the object being to score runs by batting the ball far enough so that one is enabled to exchanged wickets with the batsman defending the opposite wicket before the ball is recovered

* * *

**End Notes:** I have to agree with Owen here; cricket is boring as fuck. Not only that but ACA (Australian Cricket Association) is determined to make cricket even more boring. Here is just a small list of things that can get you banned (sometimes for life) from cricket matches; bringing in outside food and drink, bringing in alcohol, consuming alcohol, doing the Mexican wave, bringing an inflatable beach ball, bringing condoms (which became popular after inflatable beach balls were banned) and everyone's favourite (and the reason why watched cricket as a child) streaking.


	64. 064 - Absolutely Plashing

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 02/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Absolutely Plashing

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

"Your coffee sir."

"Oh Ianto, you are absolutely plashing."

"Either you're trying your hand at new slang or you have developed a serious speech impediment in the last 5 minutes."

"No comment."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Plashing

**plash - ing** _(verb)_

**plash** _(noun)_ : a gentle splash

_(verb)_ : to splash gently


	65. 065 - Taking A Third Option

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 02/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Taking A Third Option

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Ratings:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** Hints of Jack/Gwen and Jack and Gwen bashing. Swearing.

* * *

Owen was in his little lab just outside of the main hub. It was his little slice of paradise, a place that no one bothered him unless it was literally was _'the end of the world'_.

Today the tests were not time sensitive, were not important, just doing tests for the hell of it. This is the closest he would ever have to _'a happy place'_.

There was a problem! The compounds he just mixed were smoking! The persulphate must be reacting with something else.

"No, no, no, shit, no ,fuck, no!"

A small explosion shocked him and he fell backwards off his chair.

J & G: "Owen!"

Great, it is the Jack and Gwen show, here to save the day.

J: "You have a nasty cut to the back of your head."

O: "Thanks for the info Captain Obvious."

J: "Well you have a choice; the field medic training of myself or the first aid training of Gwen."

O: "I'd rather choose Ianto."

G: "Really Owen, must you joke about everything!"

Wasn't that just like Gwen. If you didn't choose her, she thought you were either joking or playing favourites. That bird seriously needs to have her head forcibly pulled out of her arse.

J: "Or you could go for the tailor training of Ianto Jones." _*taps earpiece*_ "Ianto, Owen has a cut on his head and wants your sewing skills."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Persulphate

**per - sul - phate** _(noun)_ _[Chemical]_ : a sulphate of the peroxide of any base

* * *

**End Notes:** I am totally talking out of my arse when it comes to Chemicals, if I did any chemistry study at School I have totally forgotten about it.


	66. 066 - Jack Meets Mica

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 02/08/14. If I have gotten my dates right, than the new Doctor Who Season (the one with Peter Capaldi) should airing be airing tonight. Should be interesting as I have watched nothing of Matt Smith's time, beyond the 50th Anniversary Special.

_**badly-knitted**_ and _**I love Janto**_ I am such a bad Aussie, I have no idea about Cricket or Rugby. I actually had to Wiki Rugby to figure out how many players there were. I only watched cricket has a kid because there might be streakers and when I was little I found people in the nuddy so funny.

* * *

**Title:** Jack Meets Mica

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Mica Davies

**Pairings:** Jack/Mica

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Family

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Captain Jack Harkness grinned as he made is way up to Ianto Jones' flat. Ianto had rung up to take the day off, a _'family emergency'_, at least that is what Tosh said. But Jack thought that it might be a story to cover the cover for the fact that Ianto was too sick to and was embarrassed by it. Well have no fear Nurse Jackie was here to wipe a fevered brow and engage in some friendly foreplay.

He let himself in, he had a set of keys; for emergencies purposes only but a sick Ianto is an emergency.

"I should have expected you Jack."

And here was Ianto, ratty jeans and old t-shirt; but jeans weren't what you wear when you're sick. There was this little boy toddling behind, wait it wasn't a little girl, they dress girls in pink* now don't they?

"Hello Ianto. It appears that you have gotten yourself a little follower."

"Ah yes. Mica meet Jack, he is my friend. Jack this is Mica, my niece."

"Hello there Mica. I'm Captain Jack Harkness."

"Say hello Mica."

"Hi."

~End

* * *

* Up until the mid 20th century (around the 40's-50's, not exactly sure when) it was blue for girls and pink for boys.

* * *

**Word:** Follower

**fol - low - er** _(noun)_ : a person who follows another in regard to his or her ideas or beliefs


	67. 067 - Operation: Seduction 7

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 03/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Operation: Seduction 7

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

"Ianto, do you want to hear what I'm thinking about?"

*sigh* "It's going to be pornographic isn't it sir?"

"You say that like its a bad thing."

"What are you thinking Jack."

"You reclining naked on one of those Ancient Roman day beds couch things, ermined."

"Ermined?"

"You know, covered in ermine fur."

"I know what it means, but adorned in dead animal is hardly sexy."

"It seems like your hardly up for anything lately."

"Only you would say that Jack."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Ermined

**er - mined** _(adjective)_ : made of, covered, or adorned with ermine fur


	68. 067-5 - Epilogue Drabble

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 03/08/14

I actually wrote this because the word before it required you to know the meaning of another odd, obsolete or otherwise rarely used word.

* * *

**Title:** Epilogue Drabble

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

T: "Well the scans prove it, this little creature came through the rift. It is absolutely saturated in rift energy."

G: "Well what is it?"

I: "An Ermine."

O: "A what now?"

I: "_Mustela ermine_, a weasel, a stout."

G: "Some poor child has lost their pet."

J: "Hardly. These were breed for fur. Use to be quite popular in the day."

G: "Well it won't be used for fur now. Will you sweetie?"

I: "I wouldn't bet on that. Jack has this lovely ermine fur-lined jacket that is in desperate need of repair."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Ermine

**er - mine** _(noun)_ : an old world weasel


	69. 068 - Operation: Seduction 8

**Beginning Drabble:** Drabble 3 of 3 03/08/14. I was reminded last night as to why I don't watch the ABC (that is the Australian Broadcast Channel for my American readers) anymore. The add I saw advertising the new Doctor had the wrong channel, wrong time and wrong date.

_**badly-knitted**_ I am all for letting children wear what they want to wear. However I do think that before they reach a certain age they should colour coded, and some parents get absolutely shirty with you if you misidentify their children's gender. Blue dresses are on thing, but what about a child with an androgynous haircut, unisex clothing and a made-up name. If only we had gender neutral pro-nouns in the English language.

* * *

**Title:** Operation: Seduction 8

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 15+

**Genre:** Drabble, Raunchy

**Warnings:** This is probably the closest I will ever write to a PWP

* * *

"Jack."

"Yes Ianto."

"I appear to have a problem sir."

"What problem Ianto."

"I am having some problems with some . . . swelling. I was thinking that perhaps you could help to . . . alleviate it."

"If this is a medical problem would you rather go to Owen. I'm not exactly known for my . . . gentle touch."

"Are you saying that this is a problem too big for you to . . . handle."

"I can handle anything, even a problem . . . as big as yours."

"So are you saying that you are . . . skilled enough to handle my problem."

"Hey, I'll have you know that I am very skilled with . . . problems like yours."

"Perhaps I'll need proof of your . . . skill, Captain."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Alleviate

**al - le - vi - ate** _(verb)_ : to make easier to endure; lessen; mitigate


	70. 069 - Employee File

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 04/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Employee File

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** n/a

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Fiction Report

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Employee File 747

Lloyd, Mabel Alice.

Copyist and archivist.

Born 1920/07/27. To Lloyd, John Arthur born 1874/04/03 and Lloyd, nee Pryce, Mary Ruth born 1901/11/14, married on 1919/06/30.

Employed by Torchwood Cardiff Head Sayer A. W. ON 1938/05/05.

Died 1944/07/26 (refer to rift incident 1934/29, Incident 2). Drawer No. 143

~End

* * *

**Word:** Copist

**cop - y - ist** _(noun)_ : a copier, a person who transcribes copies, especially of documents

* * *

**End Notes:** This actually just came to me as I was going my drabbles last night to figure out where I was. There might be quite a quite a few people who might not now what a copier, copyist is (either because they are rather young or English isn't their first language). Back in "Ancient Times" before the photocopier was invented and widely available, people were employed for the sole purpose to copy documents.


	71. 070 - The Stopwatch Aftermath

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 04/08/14

Not sure if I used this word right, but then again probably won't have anyone telling I did use it wrong.

* * *

**Title:** The Stopwatch Aftermath

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 15+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** Swearing, references to m/m sex.

* * *

Jack Harkness was lying naked in his army cot as he watched Ianto Jones right himself after spending a very enjoyable and energetic evening with him.

First the underwear and socks, then the trousers and then the shirt and jacket. Watching Ianto getting dressed was almost like a reverse strip tease. Oh, he wasn't doing it to be alluring, a dare to interrupt, but was rather dressing with an unconscious practice, as if he wasn't aware that Jack's eyes weren't on him, watching his every move.

Watching Ianto absentmindedly fiddle with his cufflinks, suck an archaic pedagogism in a 21st century man who had just did his damnest to fuck the life out of him.

"Oh Jones, Ianto Jones, you are more than welcomed to do that again. Perhaps even try the reverse."

"Maybe tomorrow sir, some of us need sleep."

Well wasn't that interesting. He was going to enjoy getting to know Ianto Jones better, well at least getting to know the body of Ianto Jones better.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Pedagogism

**ped - a -gog - ism** _(noun)_ : the principles, manner, method, or characteristics of pedagogues


	72. 070-5 - Epilogue Drabble 2

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 04/ 08/14

**_I love Janto_** I would like to apologise for any confusion about the dates I give caused.

**_badly-knitted_** I am actually a fan of fur and hide use. The idea that we kill sheep and cows for food and but will happily throw away their skin simply because it is no longer fashionable to wear it, is somewhat abhorrent to me. Also I am a fan of eco-fur (fur/hides from invasive species) and of farmed crocodile leather (there is a crocodile farm in Australia that started with the premise of breeding crocs in captivity to be released into the wild once grown, but they were very good a breeding them in captivity, so good that they started had to start culling them humanely, they decided to sell their flesh for food and hide for leather to subsidise the cost of running the place and now completely pay for everything from the sales, they still regularly release crocs into wild).

**_I love Janto_** and **_badly-knitted_** Ianto wasn't going to harm the ermine, he was just saying that to mess with Gwen, because lets face it I would happily say something horrible to Gwen just to mess with her if given a chance, wouldn't you?

* * *

**Title:** Epilogue Drabble 2

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, OC

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

S1: "Agent Jaxon, do you know why you are here?"

"No I do not, Zirm*."

S1: "Your partner, Agent Verya has been put into a rehab facility that specialises in treating the multiple addiction sufferers of Narcotics, Alcohol and Sex. You are now without a partner."

S2: "It has been decided to give you a new partner rather than pull you from the field."

S1: "Your new partner is a new recruit straight out of training. You will act as zer Pedagogue for the trial period."

S2: "Dismissed Agent Jaxon."

_*Sometime Later*_

"So you're the new recruit."

"Yes Zirm."

"What's your name?"

"Agent Ioannes."

"You didn't give me your real name. I suppose your workable."

"Gee thank you zirm. Your confidence in me is awe inspiring."

~End

* * *

* Zirm would the gender neutral Sir/Ma'am.

* * *

**Word:** Pedagogue

**ped - a - gogue** _(noun)_ **_1._** a teacher, schoolteacher

**_2._** a person who is pedantic, dogmatic, and formal

* * *

**End Notes:** S1 and S2 stands for Supervisor 1 and Supervisor 2, didn't really come up with any names, and names weren't really needed, so no names for them.


	73. 071 - While Jack Is Away 4

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 05/08/14

* * *

**Title:** While Jack Is Away 4

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

G: "So what's this then?"

O: "This - is - a - map."

T: "Not just any map, but an old map."

I: "From the future of the past."

G: "What sorry, you lot aren't making any sense."

I: "Tests indicate that this map is around 50-70 years old."

O: "That - makes - it - an - old - map."

I: "It is a map of Earth, which is estimated to be of the Lower Epoch of the Jurassic."

O: "That - makes - it - a - map - of - the - past."

T: "There's Eurasia, Laurasia, Gondwana, Panthalassa Ocean and the Tethys Sea."

I: "The detail is far greater than any of the maps of Mesozoic Era we currently have."

O: "That - is - why - we - say - it - is - from - the - future."

G: "I've seen maps just as detailed all over the place."

T: "And exactly how many of those maps were of Earth 145 million years ago?"

I: "We currently have no knowledge of the topical information of Earth millions of years ago. And yet, here we have a map that has mountain ranges, rivers, lakes and some of these landmarks have been given names."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Tethys

**te - thys** _[Geology]_ : the Mesozoic ocean or seaway of which the Mediterranean Sea is a greatly shrunken remnant

* * *

**End Notes:** Tosh so wanted a pet stegosaurus as a kid.

I found out while researching Tethys Sea that Time is separated as such; Eon, Era, Period, Epoch, Age.


	74. 072 - I'm Welsh

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 05/08/14

* * *

**Title:** I'm Welsh

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** Does references to neo-paganism require a warning?

* * *

Ianto Jones was just outside the tourist office, leaning against the railing while looking out over the bay and breathing in the salt air.

"Are you praying to Tethys, Ianto?"

"I'm Welsh Jack. It would be Dylan Eil Ton."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Tethys

**te - thys** _[Greek Mythology]_ : a Titan, a daughter of Ouranos (Uranus) and Gaea (Gaia), wife of Okeanos (Oceanus) and mother of the Okeanides (Oceanids) and river gods.


	75. 073 - Remembering To Forget

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 05/08/14

First of all I want to thank _**penguincrazy**_ and **_badly-knitted_** for pointing out the mistakes I made in _"Employee File"_. I have fixed those mistakes, and that is now mistake-free, I hope. For those who were curious, there was a typo that had her employed after she died, and two typos that was the result of me using her mother's birth date to calculate hiring and death date instead of her birth date, which resulted in her being hired at the age of 8 and dying at the age of 14.

If anyone sees anything in a drabble that doesn't make sense wording or spelling wise, please feel free to send me a message or leave it in a review. I have dyslexia and no beta reader.

I might have to go back to 1 drabble daily as I had planned to go on a writing spree this weekend past while watching a Doctor Who marathon. But the DVD's didn't turn up and I rediscovered Cookie Clicker, damnit.

* * *

**Title:** Remembering To Forget

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Angst

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Voyager 2 had just passed Saturn. Everyone in the hub was buzzing about it. Carl, the current techie, had hacked into NASA and had hooked up a special monitor for real-time data streaming.

As a picture of Tethys came up on the screen, Jack turned away and tried, very hard, not to think about planets that were more than lifeless balls of gas, hunks of worthless rock and insipid balls of frozen water.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Tethys

**te - thys** _[Astronomy]_ : one of the moons of Saturn


	76. 074 - Early Days: Owen

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 06/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Early Days: Owen

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Owen Harper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "What are you doing?"

O: "Just exercising my gastrology skills and knowledge?"

J: "Your what?"

O: "I am cutting into the Weevil's stomach to examine its stomach contents."

J: "I know what you're doing. Not the first autopsy I've observed."

O: "Then why ask?"

J: "You are cutting into that stomach of a Weevil. A sewer dwelling alien that probably eats faecal matter. Why haven't you haven't initiated quarantine protocols?"

O: "I should be wearing a surgical mask, shouldn't I?"

J: "Ya think?"

~End

* * *

**Word:** Gastrology

**gas - trol - o - gy** _(noun)_ : the study of the structure, functions, and diseases of the stomach


	77. 075 - Early Days: Ianto

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 06/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Early Days: Ianto

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Suzie Costello

**Pairings:** n/a

**Ratings:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "So what have we got?"

T: "Some sort of fluid dispenser, there is some sort of fluid left in it. Don't worry we won't open it to test the fluid until we quarantine it."

J: "Lets not do that just yet." _*taps earpiece*_ "Jones, up here now."

I: "Yes sir."

_*few minutes later*_

J: "So Mr. Torchwood One, do you know what this object is?"

I: "You don't?"

J: "Just answer the question."

I: "Yes. I do know what it is."

J: "And . . ."

I: "Oh you want me to tell you what it is. Weren't you just telling me earlier to stop anticipating your wants."

J: "Just tell us."

I: "I use to use a more advanced version on a daily basis."

S: *snort* "A more advanced version, really."

I: "Back during my first job . . . at a fast food restaurant."

O: "Are you saying that we have been _'oohing'_ and _'aahing'_ over a drink dispenser for the last 30 minutes."

I: "I wasn't timing. And I believe the proper name of the machine is soda fountain."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Soda Fountain

**so - da foun - tain** _[Americanism]_ : a container from which soda water is dispensed, usually through a faucet

* * *

**End Notes:** My idea on the Ianto's early days at Torchwood, is that Jack's behaviour towards Ianto would fluctuate wildly. One day Jack would be very warm and welcoming, then the next very surely and aggressive (because Rose died at TW1 and Ianto was TW1 and therefore responsible for her dying) and then would totally ignore Ianto for days, then he would start to feel bad for being so mean and ignoring Ianto (he was just a nobody, it wasn't like he pushed Rose into a conversion chamber or pushed her into a Dalek's path), and just start the cycle again.

I also think that Ianto was for his first days was very quite, was very _"yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir"_, and Jack was like _"this isn't the young man I hired, what wrong"_ and so took up trailing Ianto around trying to figure out if anything was wrong, which freaked Ianto out because he had things to do and couldn't afford having Jack catch him. So out came the snarky, sarcastic, passive aggressive Ianto who the others just looked over.


	78. 076 - Frankenstein

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 06/08/14

_**badly-knitted**_ for those who wondered what exactly Jack was doing on pre-historic Earth (if you take that off-hand comment he made in _'Fragments'_ seriously), he was setting up _"Google Earth: Pre-Historic"_.

* * *

**Title:** Frankenstein

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper (even when only an extra Jack Harkness demands top billing)

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

I: "What on Earth are you doing?"

O: "I'm examining the muscle structure and nervous system of Weevils."

I: "When I brought it up that Weevil corpse it wasn't moving, now you have it twitching."

O: "Just faradism."

I: "Excuse me, just what."

O: "I'm putting an electrical current through the nerves and forcing the muscles to contract."

I: "Like those early experiments involving frog legs."

O: "Yes. No. Yes. Just bugger off, I'm busy."

J: "Owen!"

I: "I'm sorry sir but Dr. Frankenstein is otherwise engaged."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Faradism

**far - a -dism** _(noun)_

**faradize;** **far - a - dize** _(verb)_ _[Medicine/Medical]_ : to stimulate or treat (muscles or nerves) with induced alternating electric current

* * *

**End Notes:** Mary Shelley was allegedly inspired to write Frankenstein after witnessing a anatomy experiment involving putting an electrical current through frog's legs causing them to mimic the leaping action.


	79. 077 - She's Alive

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 07/08/14

* * *

**Title:** She's Alive

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Drama

**Warnings:** Swearing

* * *

J: "You are going to tell me how you got that Cyberman into the hub."

I: "You haven't figured it out."

J: "You tell me! Right now!"

I: "I am not the one that you ignored."

J: "I am not in the mood for your accusations."

I: "A non-human sentience located in the hub."

J: "What!?"

I: "You have dismissed it, regarded it as nothing more than a tool to be discarded when not useful."

J: "What are you talking about!"

I: "No pretty body for you to admire, to leer at, to fuck, you don't believe it to be alive enough for you to give any consideration."

J: "STOP YOUR GAMES!"

I: "Mainframe, she's alive! And what you did to her when you took over caused her so much pain."

J: "Mainframe's not alive."

I: "How small minded of you. Sentient, semi-organic, non-humanoid, telepathic computer circuitry. I bet you never have run into that kind of technology before!"

J: "There is no way Mainframe is alive."

I: "A rift in time and space, snatching debris and detritus from all of the universe. Perhaps even from places that are nothing more than legends."

J: "No it can't be. I - I would have known."

I: "Are you done? I need to get cleaned up. Goodnight sir."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Sentience

**sen - tience** _(noun)_ : sentient condition or character, capacity for sensation or felling

* * *

**End Notes:** Did Ianto imply that Mainframe is Gallifreyan? I like how Ianto implied that he knew what the TARDIS was, that he knew Jack was a former companion, and yet also imply that he knew nothing.

In my mind when Jack took over he shut down what he thought was London surveillance, but was actually nodes of Mainframe. And he wasn't all that gentle when doing it.


	80. 078 - Slimed!

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 07/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Slimed!

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Owen Harper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** Swearing

* * *

O: "Yuck! Fucking disgusting! Fuck! Thank fuck I remembered quarantine procedures!"

J: "Owen what happened?"

O: "I was examining this alien corpse. It's ganglion was protected by a ganglionic sac, I ruptured it an am now covered in gangliac fluid."

J: "I understand perhaps one of every three words there. English please Owen."

O: "I've been slimed!"

~End

* * *

**Word:** Gangliac

**gan - gli - ac** _(adjective)_ _[Anatomy]_ : relating to a ganglion; ganglionic

* * *

**End Notes:** Yes that was a Ghostbuster's reference, I went there.


	81. 078-5 - Epilogue Drabble 3

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 07/08/14

When I looked up Soda Fountain machine images all I got were photo after photo of the drink dispensers in fast food restaurants, except for one image, which was an engraving of one that looked like a doll's house or a bird house with a faucet on the front. I imagine that the soda fountain that the team found was one of the early prototypes that looked nothing like what we would think of a soda fountain.

* * *

**Title:** Epilogue Drabble 3

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

G: What's that?"

O: "What's what?"

G: "That grey-pink lump thingy."

O: "The ganglion.

G: "The what?"

O: "Listen Sweetheart, go bother someone else. You know, someone who doesn't have any work to do, like yourself."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Ganglion

**gan - gli - on** _(noun)_ _[Anatomy]_ : a mass of nerve tissue existing outside the central nervous system


	82. 079 - Operation: Seduction 9

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 2 08/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Operation: Seduction 9

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 15+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "Just us and this room for as long as it takes."

I: "Well this is distressing."

J: "Really."

I: "Yes, I do believe I'm getting my suit dirty."

J: "So you're not feeling scared or . . . scared."

I: "Jack, if you want sex before the end of the week you will untie my hands now."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Distressing

**dis - tressing** _(adjective)_ : causing anxiety sorrow or pain; upsetting


	83. 080 - Owen Is Owen 2

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 08/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Owen Is Owen 2

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

T: "The object in question when removed from it's outer-casing releases a field of ionised inward-moving particles."

O: "Why on Earth are we listening to this rubbish?"

J: "First of all, this isn't rubbish and secondly, we listen to you go on about stuff we don't care about."

O: "So?"

J: "So, you have two choices you can either shut up or I can go get that surgical glue and glue your mouth shut. Your choice Owen."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Inward-moving

**in - ward - mov - ing** _(adjective)_ : moving or directed toward the centre or axis, especially when spinning or travelling in a curve


	84. 081 - Ghost Shifts

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 08/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Ghost Shifts

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Suzie Costello

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** n/a

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

S: "The regularity of these shifts indicate that there is an intelligence behind them."

T: "Tests confirm that these shifts are trans-dimensional incursions."

O: "Have we got any word from One yet?"

J: "Still getting stonewalled. As far as I am concerned that means that they are either assisting those responsible for those incursions or actually are responsible."

T: "What can we do?"

J: "I have voiced my concerns to both UNIT and to Her Majesty."

S: "That's all you've done?"

J: "Beyond preparing for Hell to descend on Earth, that is everything I can do."

O: "Should we prepare for Hell on Earth?"

J: "It is either that or start believing in bureaucracy."

O: "Where's our biggest gun?"

~End

* * *

**Word:** Regularity

**reg - u - lar -i - ty** _(noun)_ : the state of quality of being regular


	85. 082 - New Lifeform Register

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 09/08/14

* * *

**Title:** New Lifeform Register

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** n/a

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Fictional Report

**Warnings:** Arachnophobes beware.

* * *

Lifeform 5081

A non-Terrestrial arachnid. It appears to be a six-legged, six-eyed Cobalt Blue Tarantula*.

It has been scanned and pictures have been taken [link]. It weighs roughly 12 kg, is 28 cm in height, 79 cm in length. No pathogens, allergens or toxins found [link].

When it was being examined it was noted that the creature had an odd nictate pattern. Six eyes blink sequentially, it takes 1.3 seconds before the sequence repeats.

~End

* * *

* The Cobalt Blue Tarantula is a real tarantula and is really the colour the name implies.

* * *

**Word:** Nictate

**nic - tate** _(verb)_ : to wink or blink

* * *

**End Notes:** I had this idea awhile ago, which was an image of a six-legged, corgi-sized tarantula in a cat harness being taken for walkies.


	86. 083 - Ianto In Charge

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 09/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Ianto In Charge

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "Hart will have a multitude of weapons on him, we'll need to search him."

O: "Trust you to automatically think of frisking him."

I: "We are going to use the U'dalkin scanner. Owen, use the hub scanners to scan him for pathogens. Tosh hook up the U'dalkin scanner into the hub scanners and keep it out of this "Hart's" sight, link the readout to Gwen's PDA. Jack you will lead him into the hub via the perception filter entrance."

J: "When did you get so bossy? I like it."

I: "Is everyone clear on their jobs?"

G & O & T: "Yes."

J: "Yes sir, do you want a salute?"

~End

* * *

**Word:** Frisking

**frisk - ing** _(verb)_

**Frisk; frisk** _(verb)_ : to search (a person) for concealed weapons, contraband goods, etc., by feeling the person's clothing

* * *

**End Notes:** Dedicated to anyone who found the idea of Gwen in charge while Jack was gone absolutely absurd.


	87. 084 - Arguments About Gwen: Owen

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 09/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Arguments About Gwen

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Owen Harper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

O: "Why the Bottlefeed Treatment?"

J: "Excuse me?"

O: "Why are you bottlefeeding Cooper?"

J: "Are you saying that I'm not training Gwen right?"

O: "That's exactly what I have been saying. You've gone deaf, have you?"

J: "Owen."

O: "She is going to be busy bleeting about the person killed 5 minutes ago to care about the people who are going to die in 5 minutes."

J: "Are you done?"

O: "She'll end up with a bigger body count than the rest of us combined."

J: "Are you done!?"

O: "Obliviously you're too busy to justify to yourself that you hired with your dick . . . again. To listen to the arguments of the people you've worked with for years."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Bottlefeed

**bot - tle - feed** _(verb)_ : to nurture or teach with exaggerated care


	88. 085 - Curiosity Thy Name Is

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 10/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Curiosity Thy Name Is

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato

**Pairing:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "This is a really nasty piece of work."

T: "What is it?"

J: "See that protuberance."

O: "That thing that looks like a hunk of flesh grafted onto the metal box."

J: "It is a chemical/acid dispenser. You poke it, it sprays you, your face melts off."

O: "Charming."

T: "This uses our own curiosity against us. Whomever constructed this is . . ."

I: "Brilliant, totally and utterly brilliant."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Protuberance

**pro - tu - ber - ance** _(noun)_ : a protuberant part of thing; projection or bulge


	89. 086 - The Mauve Button

Beginning Notes: Drabble 2 of 3 10/08/14

* * *

**Title:** The Mauve Button

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "Ianto!"

O: "Jesus Jack, his neocortical activity is off the charts. Tosh, a hand."

T: "What do you need?"

O: "Get the treatment room ready."

T: "On it."

G: "Jack, I'm sor-"

J: "Frankly Gwen I don't care if you're sorry."

G: "But I am!"

J: "Gwen when someone tells you not to press the mauve button. Don't press the mauve button!"

G: "What can I do? How can I help?"

J: "How about going home before you decide to 'help' by pressing that button again."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Neocortical

**ne - o - cor - ti - cal** _(adjective)_ : of or relating to the neocortex


	90. 086-5 - Epil Drab 4, Thwart Lecture 3

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 10/08/14

_**sandysan2013**_ if I haven't approved all of your reviews I apologise, as I must have missed them.

_**badly-knitted**_ I kind of had the idea that when Jack was away everyone let Gwen be bossy, then go do what needed done, as it made Gwen less prone to chucking tanties. As Gwen didn't even know who UNIT by the middle of the second season so the fan theory that Ianto was running TW behind Gwen's back more believable, also _'Adrift'_ helped in promote that theory too.

* * *

**Title:** Epilogue Drabble 4/Thwarted Lecturer 3

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

O: "And when I examined the creature's brain, the neocortex caught my eye . . ."

J: "Ow!"

O: "Hey where's Jack?"

_*Jack's heap pops out from underneath the boardroom desk*_

J: "You kicked me Ianto!"

I: "You deserved it sir. You were saying Owen."

O: "Why were you under the desk? Wait, I don't want to know, forget I asked."

J: "I can't believe you kicked me."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Neocortex

**ne - o - cor - tex** _(noun)_ : the largest and evolutionary most recent portion of the cerebral cortex, the site of most of the higher brain functions


	91. 087 - Item Log 4

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 11/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Item Log 4

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** n/a

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Fictional Report

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Item TWD/1998-04-01/001

A badly damaged replica harpsichord.

Found at the end of Falcon Drive, it appears to have fallen through the rift roughly 2 metres above the road [Rift Report 1998/13, Incident 1].

Brought in by Agents Jack Harkness, Anna Rice, James Smith. Rented a moving truck to do so [Expense Report 1998/Q2].

Pictures were taken before being moved [link] and after being moved [link]. Only used internal hub scanners to scan the object to prevent more damage [link].

Distinctive markings match a harpsichord reported stolen in Bordeaux, France 2 weeks ago.

No further testing.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Harpsichord

**harp - si - chord** _(noun)_ : a keyboard instrument, precursor of the piano, in which the strings are plucked by leather or quill points connected with keys, in common use from the 16th to the 18th century


	92. 088 - Torchwood Hazing Rituals

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 11/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Torchwood Hazing Rituals

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, OC

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "And this Sammy is the Arboretum."

S: "I prefer Sam, Captain Harkness. Why does Torchwood need an Arboretum?"

J: "Would you rather the plant life deposited on Earth just to allowed to become an invasive species? By the way this is a Spitting Venus*, watch out for its nectarial secretions."

S: "I always assumed they were incinerated. Ow! That just spat on me! Bloody hell! It itches!"

J: "Welcome to Torchwood Samuel Richards."

~End

* * *

* The Spitting Venus was mentioned in Drabble 023.

* * *

**Word:** Nectarial

**nec - tar - i - al** _(adjective)_ _[Botany]_ : relating to or consisting of a nectary


	93. 088-5 - Epilogue Drabble 5

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 11/08/14

I have finally decided my opinion on radio plays as to whether they are or aren't a part of personal head-canon. The radio plays occur after 'Exit Wounds' and in my head events occurred a little differently, Tosh lived, so the radio plays are just as non-canon as CoE and MD.

* * *

**Title:** Epilogue Drabble 5

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 15+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

I: "Well who needs dignity when you work for Torchwood."

T: "I can't believe the plant just spat on you."

O: "I just need a sample. Hold still Teaboy. Fluid is opaque, white or almost white in colour, some sort of nectary secretion, it appears to be causing some dermal irritation."

T: "It is itchy."

J: "It looks like Ianto, that you were just giv-"

I: "If you enjoy our sex life, you will not finish that sentence."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Nectary

**nec - tary** _(noun)_ _[Botany]_ : a plant gland that secretes nectar

* * *

**End Notes:** For the record the sentence Jack was in the middle of was; "that you were just given a facial". Of course Ianto was not impressed.

This is another story with the Spitting Venus, I admit it, I kind of fell in love with this plant.


	94. 089 - New Hire

**Beginning Notes:** Drabbles 1 of 3 12/08/14

Because several of the OCs have reappeared I am now putting their names in the notes, in stead of simply OC.

* * *

**Title:** New Hire

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Samuel Richards (OC)

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "So we have Wesley Perry, 32, married with 1 child, is a regular contact of ours."

S: "May I ask why, Captain?"

Jack Harkness looked over his new hire, he tried desperately not to think of him as Owen's replacement, Doctor Samuel Richards, former UNIT physician, hailing all the way from Australia.

J: "He likes to collect rift debris. Has gotten his hands onto some dangerous items, we trade with him, we give him shiny but useless baubles."

S: "Ah, a Bower Bird."

J: "A what?"

S: "Bower Bird, it is what we called the non-threatening collectors back in Aus."

I: "What do you call the threatening collectors?"

S: "Deceased."

J: "We don't go around killing civilians here."

S: "I was joking Captain. Don't get your knickers knotted."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Bower Bird

**bow-er bird** _(noun)_ : any of several oscine bird of the family Ptilonorhynchidae, of Australia, New Guinea, and adjacent islands, the males of which build bowerlike, decorated structures to attract the females

_[Australian]_ : a person who collects miscellaneous objects

* * *

**End Notes:** Sam wasn't suppose to be Australian but when given a this word I just couldn't help myself.


	95. 090 - TV Heckling

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 12/08/14

* * *

**Title:** TV Heckling

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

_TV: "The floodhead will reach Cardiff at 8:15 am."_

I: "That's not the right word. Did you just pick out some big boy sounding words out of a dictionary."

J: "If you are heckling the TV then you are officially bored."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Floodhead

**flood - head** _(noun)_ : a wall of water rushing ahead of the flood

* * *

**End Notes:** The reason why Ianto is so bored will be revealed in the next couple of days.


	96. 091 - Alien Botany

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 12/08/14

**_badly-knitted_** the Spitting Venus while mildly poisonous that causes mild irritation of the skin, it isn't harmful, it is just like a ant bite or like a mosquito bite. And the spitting and the irritation is part of its reproductive cycle, it senses movement (some plants can be sensitive to vibrations) it spits at local wildlife, wildlife gets spooked and runs off, wildlife gets itchy skin and scratches up against tree, tree is covered in this _'spit'_, pollination occurs, it develops a viable seed, seed grows in the shade of tree, starts cycle again.

* * *

**Title:** Alien Botany

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "Well I haven't seen one of those in a while."

I: "What is it."

J: "It's on of the air plants from Malawn."

I: "Will it require anything special."

J: "It has an allergy to aluminium."

I: "I'll keep the soda cans away from it then."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Air Plant

**air plant** _(noun) [Botany]_ : an epiphyte

**Epiphyte; ep - i - phyte** _(noun) [Botany]_ : a plant that grows above the ground, supported non-parasitically by another plant or object, and deriving it nutrients and water from rain, the air, dust etc.; air plant; aerophyte


	97. 092 - The Torchwood Tribble 2

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 13/08/14

This is a direct sequel to Drabble 015

* * *

**Title:** The Torchwood Tribble 2

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "Spence Harris. Spence, what an odd name. Seriously some people shouldn't be allowed to name their children."

I: "Considering you wanted to name our Tribble, Bodge, you have no room to talk."

J: "What did we end up calling it anyway."

I: "Tosh named it Uhura*, Owen and myself thought it was fitting."

J: "Good choice."

~End

* * *

* Uhura was the character that bought the first Tribble in the episode, _'The Trouble With Tribbles'_.

* * *

**Word:** Spence

**spence** _(noun)_ : a male name, for of Spencer

* * *

**End Notes:** **_EDIT:_** There is a British coin is called a pence, a Spence is an old British word for 'any monetary allowance'. I got those two confused, sorry to those I may have mislead.


	98. 093 - New Hire 2

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 13/08/14

* * *

**Title:** New Hire 2

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Gwen Cooper, Samuel Richards (OC), Macie Hughes (OC)

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

M: "And then my Grandma said to me . . ."

Macie Hughes, the person hired to take over Ianto's more able-bodied jobs that he has been unable to do since his injury, prattled on unaware of her workmates disinterest.

G: "I can't stand it anymore. Doesn't she ever shut up!?"

S: "That's a bit rich."

G: "Excuse me!"

S: "For my first month here, I was subjected to the _'Life Story of Gwen Cooper'_, and trust me I was about as interested in it as you seem to be interested in the _'Life Story of Macie Hughes'_.

G: "I'm not, I wasn't that bad."

S: "Keep on telling yourself that Darl*."

~End

* * *

* Darl is short for darling, and it is usually said in a not so nice manner.

* * *

**Word:** Grandma

**grand - ma** _(noun)_ _[Informal]_ : grandmother


	99. 094 - Taste Tester

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 13/08/14

I wish to apologise for posting late.

* * *

**Title:** Taste Tester

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

O: "Jack you won't guess. One of our alien plants have just fruited."

J: "Really?"

O: "I've run tests on it. It's edible! Isn't that incredible?"

J: "C'mon show me."

_*several minutes later*_

J: _*grabs Ianto's arm as he walks by and shoves fruit in his mouth*_ "Chew."

O: "Well, what does it taste like?"

I: "Tastes like virgalieu, but it feels like I have just had a mouthful of nettles. Next time you want a taste tester Jack, use yourself."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Virgalieu

**vir - ga - lieu** _(noun) [Botany]_ : a valuable kind of pear, of an obovate shape and with melting flesh of delicious flavor; also called White Doyenne


	100. 095 - Stupid Blowfish

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 14/08/14

Please don't hurt me.

* * *

**Title:** Stupid Blowfish

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Drama

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Ianto winced as Jack placed him none too gently on the bedchair.

"Ianto, I didn't hurt you did I?"

"You're just doing your field medic training proud."

"I was rough, wasn't I?"

"Just a bit. I'm fine Jack, stop fussing."

"Stupid Blowfish."

A blowfish with a gun, high on Meth and drunk as a skunk, had shot Ianto, the bullet hit his spine. They had managed to remove the bullet without further trauma thanks to alien tech and Sam's surgical skill. He still had sensations but his control past his pelvis was almost completely gone, he would have to spend the rest of life in a wheelchair.

"We'll need to find a replacement."

"You listen to me Jones, Ianto Jones, you are more than the person _'who just cleans up our shit'_, there is still a place for you at Torchwood."

"I know, who would do the admin, Gwen? But who will feed Myfanwy? Clean the hub? Move the bodies? Archive the larger items? We need to hire someone who can do what I no longer can do."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Bedchair

**bed - chair** _(noun)_ : a chair with an adjustable back, for the sick, to support them while sitting up in bed


	101. 096 - Pillow Talk

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 14/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Pillow Talk

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "You're so . . . so mollipilose."

I: "Yes Jack, I am just a primitive, absolutely covered in fur."

J: "I didn't say it was a bad thing."

I: "Then why are you pulling out my chest hair."

J: "Oops."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Mollipilose

**mol - li - pi - lose** _(adjective) [Zoology]_ : having soft hairs; downy


	102. 097 - Pillow Talk 2

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 14/08/14

Apologies for another late post.

I want to thank _**badly-knitted**_ for catching a rather stupid mistake of mine. A said that a Spence was a British coin, actually Spence is an old British word meaning; 'any monetary allowance' but I had confused it with Pence; which ,according to my Nan, is another word for penny.

* * *

**Title:** Pillow Talk 2

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "And where did you get this scar?"

I: "Which one?"

J: "This one, here."

I: "Oh, I was 8, I was running down the road, I was late for school. I tripped on my shoelaces and ended up landing rather hard on the gravel."

J: "You must have been running very fast to get road rash that bad."

I: "I was very late."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Gravel

**grav - el** _(noun)_ : small stones and pebbles, or a mixture of these with sand

* * *

**End Notes:** Of course Ianto was lying his arse off.

Also I have no idea if the stones, rocks, pebbles etc. in tarred roads are referred to as gravel in the UK. But this the drabble is what came to mind for this word.


	103. 098 - Pod People

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 15/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Pod People

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Friendship

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

I: "Tosh has that document translation finished?"

T: "Yes, and Ianto, you're are going to love this."

I: "The University of Mars, Akeem Xuan Nzuyen-Smith, Bachelor Degree in Advance Robotics."

T: "A university on Mars! Robotics Degrees!"

I: "It doesn't have a date, but it does have the Dean's name and Signature, that's something."

T: "You can be such a killjoy, Ianto."

I: "So Jack tells me often. Besides if I started squealing and bouncing up and down like an over-caffeinated Jack, you would start scanning the hub for a pad."

T: _*smirk*_ "I would, wouldn't I?"

~End

* * *

**Word:** Robotics

**ro - bot - ics** _(noun)_ : the use of computer-controlled robots to perform manual tasks, especially on an assembly line

* * *

**End Notes:** For those curious the language it diploma was in Galactic Standard.


	104. 099 - Pillow Talk 3

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 15/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Pillow Talk 3

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Ratings:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

I: "May I ask about your wrist strap? You're always wearing it, even when your showering or having sex."

J: "It's just a piece of broken time-travel tech that I picked up awhile ago and have grown rather fond of it. It is like a phone, watch and all-in-one remote control combined."

I: "Ah."

J: "And not it isn't archived, I acquired this before I was hired by Torchwood."

I: "Wasn't thinking anything of the sort."

J: *snort* "You are such a liar Mr. Jones."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Time Travel

**time tr - vel** _(noun)_ : hypothetical transport through time into the past or the future


	105. 100 - Operation: Seduction 10

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 15/08/14

Late again, sorry.

_**badly-knitted**_ just how bad is that scar now? If I may be so rude. The most serious wound I ever had was the result of an odd reaction to a White Tail bite, which caused arachnogenic necrosis (don't look it up, seriously), this happened to me when I was 7, and now that scar is basically nothing, the only reason I can still see it is because I know it there. Which is why I said Ianto was obviously lying, for a road rash scar to be large enough and severe enough to survive the skin stretching and growing probably can't happen through childish clumsiness alone.

_**penguincrazy**_ it is part of my head canon that Ianto's mother had psychiatric problems (spent her last years in Providence Park), that scar was caused by her _'having an episode'_ and pushing him out of a car. Ianto was lying by telling the truth, he did get that scar by hitting the road too hard on his way to school and he was very late to school that day.

* * *

**Title:** Operation: Seduction 10

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "Have you ever had sex in Zero G?"

I: "Do you really need an answer to that?"

J: "Right stupid question. Do you want to have sex in Zero G?"

I: "We don't exactly have the tech for that."

J: "You'll never know what will fall through the rift."

I: "You might be able to afford to try unknown tech in elaborate sex games, but I can't."

J: "So, no sex in Zero G."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Zero G

**ze - ro g** _(noun) [Physics] [Informal]_

**Zero Gravity; ze - ro grav - i -ty** _(noun) [Physics]_ : the condition in which the apparent effect of gravity is zero, as in the case of a body in free fall or in orbit


	106. 101 - After Mary

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 16/08/14

* * *

**Title:** After Mary

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Fandom

**Characters:** Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Friendship

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

T: "Who is it?"

I: "It's me Tosh."

I: "Come on."

I: "So Tosh, one question; red or white?"

_TV: "Warp speed Mr. Sulu."_

T: "I - I was just channel surfing. Let me change the channel."

I: "No channel is currently showing Star Trek."

T: "I - I - um."

I: "So what do you think will go better with Star Trek; red or white?"

T: "I think that the next episode is definitely a red wine episode."

I: "You sit down, I'll put the white in the fridge and grab the glasses."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Warp Speed

**war speed** _(noun)_ : an extremely rapid rate of speed

**Origin** : alluding to the use of science-fiction of spatial or temporal warps to travel interstellar distances


	107. 102 - Jedi Mind Trick

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 16/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Jedi Mind Trick

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper, Andy Davidson

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

A: "So, what's this spooky do about?"

G: "Not now Andy."

A: "C'mon really, I'm not stupid."

I: "Officer Davidson, I'm sorry but these aren't the droids you are looking for."

A: "Alrighty then."

_*Andy wanders off*_

J: "You know he is going to go back to the station and tell everyone about that."

I: "As if it could be any more outlandish than what they already say."

G: "What's a droid?"

J: "I haven't gone to the cinema since the 50's and even I got that reference."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Droid

**droid** _(noun) [Informal]_ : android

* * *

**End Notes:** Considering Andy's nickname for Jack is Mulder I am kind of assuming that he is a populist sci-fi fan (populist sci-fi is a term I have heard describing sci-fi that becomes popular and mainstream). Andy won't go out of his way to watch sci-fi, but if he hears a few people talking about a show or movie he would watch it, even if it to see what all the hubbub is about.


	108. 103 - Recruiting Macie

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 16/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Recruiting Macie

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Macie Hughes (OC)

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

M: "So this is an alien."

J: "Yep."

M: "Wow! So do you need help?"

J: "Why would I need your help?"

M: "You need to load it into your alien-catching mobile. It looks like it weigh about 150-200 kg, there is only one of you."

J: "I suppose you right. Captain Jack Harkness and you are?"

M: "Macie, Macie Hughes. Do you need my full name and birthdate so you can track me down to sign the _'Official Secrets Act'_ or whatever it is called."

J: "You know. I am going to need help getting it out of my _'alien-catching mobile'_. Why don't you come with to help and I can show you my _'alien-catching headquarters'_."

M: "That is either a really bad pick-up line or a really good job offer. For the record, I hope its the job offer."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Alien

**al - ien** _(noun)_ : a creature from outer space; extraterrestrial

* * *

**End Notes:** This came about after Ianto received his spinal injury. One night Jack had gone out on a _'Weevil Hunt'_ by himself just to get rid of some restless energy, Macie was just wondering contemplating her life (nothing so pretentious as I mad it sound, she had just been unemployed for about a month or 2 and was trying to figure out she was going to pay the bills next month).

Macie is a construction worker, dirty blonde/light brown hair and a has lumber Jill build. I see her as being one of those undereducated-overtrained types, you know the people who know how do to things but don't have the credentials saying that they know these things. Macie knows carpentry, wiring, tiling, piping, plastering etc., but nothing in her resume that suggests she is capable of doing such work. She had trouble getting jobs, trouble keeping jobs and is at the point where she happily got into a car with a strange bloke who _'allegedly'_ catches aliens.

Macie's first job at Torchwood was the make the hub _'accessible'_, I believe that is the current PC term for wheelchair friendly.


	109. 104 - Learning From Experience

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 17/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Learning From Experience

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Toshiko Sato

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

T: "Is there any tech that don't want coming through the rift?"

J: "Chula medical tech."

T: "Why?"

J: "Chula medical tech is nanotechnology."

T: "How bad could that be?"

J: "Nanotech designed to change intelligent lifeforms into its pre-programmed templates without any nanotech of our own to combat it. With or luck it was first come into contact with a meth addict with gonorrhoea and then proceed to turn the entire human race into meth addicts with gonorrhoea."

T: "I see your point."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Nanotechnology

**nan - o - tech - nol - o - gy** _(noun)_ : a technology executed on the scale of less than 100, the goal of which is to control individual atoms and molecules, especially to create computer chips and other microscopic devices.


	110. 105 - Alien Tech

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 17/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Alien Tech

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

T: "So this device is?"

J: "I don't know the name of it, but it clones non-biological materials."

G: "What would you need something like that for."

I: "Need paper. No need to deforest woodlands for wood pulp, just clone a piece of paper thousands of millions times of over."

T: "Large enough power supply and enough of these objects, no more fuel crisis, no more destructive resource gathering, oil pumping, mining etc."

O: "Can't clone replacement organs or food, so bloody useless in my opinion."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Clone

**clone** _(noun)_ : a person or thing that duplicates, imitates, or closely resembles another in appearance, function, performance, or style.


	111. 106 - Feeling Childish

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 17/08/14

Sorry about the late post.

I actually have an admission to make. Despite watching Star Trek since I was 4 years old, I didn't actually watch the Star Wars movies until I was about 14. Despite living in rural Australia I only got shit for being a Trekie from two people, they were both Star Wars fans (they collected the figurines, went on about the various movie versions, read the EU books), so I avoided it because I figured it wasn't something I wanted to be a part of if it produced those kind of arseholes.

My first experience with Star Wars was the Fast Forward Star Wars Parody episode. One of my favourite television moments is seeing Marg Downey dressed as Princess Leia getting introduced to whoever was Darth Vader and uttering what I think is a classic line; "Who is the dork in the stack hat?"

* * *

**Title:** Feeling Childish

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

T: "Is not."

I: "Is too."

T: "Is not."

I: "Is too."

J: "Okay kiddies, what is the argument about."

I: "About whether Utopian is a sub-genre of Science-Fiction."

J: "Okay rest of the class, input please."

G: "Sorry, not my thing."

O: "I know about Hard Sci-Fi, Soft Sci-Fi, Science-Fantasy* and Cyberpunk. Never heard of Utopian."

J: "How many sub-genres does Science-Fiction have."

T: "There is Hard Sci-Fi, Soft Sci-Fi, Light Sci-Fi**, Science-Fantasy, Cyberpunk, Alternate History, Post-Apocalyptic***, First Contact, Near-Future, Military Sci-Fi+, Time Travel, Space Opera and finally Slipstream++. The is no such thing as Utopian!"

I: "I know. Utopian is just a term used to describe Sci-Fi that doesn't take place in a utopian setting as opposed to a dystopian setting."

T: "Then why are you arguing with me?"

I: "I felt childish." _*wink*_

~End

* * *

* Science-Fantasy is also called Future Fantasy.

** Light Sci-Fi is also called Humorous Sci-Fi, a good example is 'Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy'.

*** Apocalyptic Fiction also falls into this sub-genre.

+ The prime example of Military Sci-Fi is 'Starship Troopers'.

++ Slipstream is Mainstream fiction with a Speculative Fiction (the old term for Sci-Fi) element.

* * *

**Word:** Cyberpunk

**cy - ber - punk** _(noun)_ : a genre of Science-Fiction that features rebellious computer hackers and is set in a dystopian society integrated by computer networks


	112. 107 - Only Sane Man

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 18/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Only Sane Man

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Toshiko Sato, Samuel Richards (OC)

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

S: "So how do we keep UNIT out of our databases?"

T: "Just run-of-the-mill cyber warfare."

S: "Cyber warfare? Like you give their databases a computer virus or something."

T: "Viruses, Trojans, Rootkits, any and all destructive bits of code I can get my hands on. I also regularly disable or bypass their firewalls and anti-virus software."

S: "Don't they retaliate?"

T: "Not really."

S: "Idiots."

T: "Weren't you UNIT?"

S: "Yes and I was surrounded by utter morons. Idiots who believed that since the Doctor worked for them that it meant that they somehow knew everything and were always right."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Virus

**vi - rus** _(noun)_ : a segment of self-replicating code planted illegally in a computer programme. often to damage or shut down a system or network

* * *

**End Notes:** Sam was not the only sane man in UNIT (there were merely thin on the ground), but he liked to think of himself as such.

Also I heard the word moron is considered a not so nice term in the UK, I do hope that one of British readers do confirm or deny it. But if it is, Sam is Australian and in Aus moron is just another word for idiot so wouldn't think twice about using it.


	113. 108 - Paperwork Always Reveals

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 18/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Paperwork Always Reveals

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "So when do you know?"

I: "Know what?"

J: "About me?"

I: "What about you?"

J: "About my problem with . . . you know."

I: "About 2 weeks after you hired me."

J: "That long. How did you find out?"

I: "The old Emolument Forms."

J: "The what forms?"

I: "The forms filled out when consultants or freelance agents were payed. There were forms for your wages from 1899 to 1958."

J: "Ah. That was the year when freelance agents and outside consultants were banned."

I: "Of course it really wasn't listened too. But that did lead me to the other paperwork that mentioned you or had your signature."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Emolument

**e - mol - u - ment** _(noun)_ : the wages or perquisites arising from office, employment, or labour


	114. 109 - Operation: Distraction 3

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 18/08/14

I would love to comment on the reviews to yesterday's drabbles, but despite the number of reviews increasing since I posted as far as this site is concerned they don't exist. So either this site is running really slow (is has taken almost 12 hours before reviews are readable before) or they could have disappeared into the Aether.

* * *

**Title:** Operation: Distraction 3

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

I: "Jack, you have that phone call with the Prime Minister in 10 minutes."

J: "Don't you find it odd that palindrome isn't a palindrome?"

I: "There is only a finite amount of times I can handle the calls myself before people start speculating that you've run off again."

J: "Let them speculate."

I: "Would 'them' include UNIT?"

J: "Fine! But I want coffee!"

I: "As long as you promise to behave for the Prime Minister."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Palindrome

**pal - in - drome** _(noun)_ : a word, verse, phrase, or sentence that reads the same backwards as forwards


	115. 110 - Father's Day

**Beginning Notes:** First of all I am going to only post one drabble today and I apologise for it. I've been knocked for six by the flu, I'm feeling absolutely rotten and am having trouble sitting up and can't really wear my glasses for extended periods of time.

This is inspired by _**badly-knitted's**_ drabble 'Father's Day', because I immediately thought that Gwen wouldn't leave well enough alone.

* * *

**Title:** Father's Day

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** Swearing.

* * *

G: "What are you lot doing for Father's Day?"

T: "Work."

J: "Work."

O: "There's this thing, we call it the rift, it could spit out anything at anytime, including Father's Day. Torchwood don't get holidays, didn't you get the memo."

G: "C'mon guys aren't you going anything for your fathers?"

T: "I've sent him a card and if nothing happens I will give him a phonecall. It's not as if I could pop over to Japan for the afternoon."

O: "Dad left my mum when she was pregnant. Never have any contact with him and I don't want to fucking contact that arsehole."

J: "My father is dead."

G: "Oh Ianto, what are you doing for Father's Day, you're from Newport, your folks must see you often."

I: "I'm working."

G: "C'mon your parents would love to see you."

I: "My father is dead, Gwen, he died when I was 19 and my mother is also dead, she died when I was 15. I was trying to avoid the subject, but one has to be a subtle as a brick to the face for you to get it. You, Gwen, have the most unique 'Deprecate Manner' of dealing with people."

G: "I'm sor-"

I: "Don't bother apologising. Perhaps the next time I don't want to talk about something, instead of using your juvenile, amateurish interrogation techniques on me, how about actually attempt to be the compassionate person you claim to be and leave me well enough alone!"

O: "Wow! You just don't know when drop it Cooper."

G: "Shut it Owen!"

~End

* * *

**Word:** Deprecate

**dep - re - cate** _(verb)_ : to disapprove of; to belittle


	116. 111 - Alien Tech 2

**Beginning Notes:** Again this is only a single posting day, I'm sorry to everyone, hopefully I will be feeling well enough by Friday to resume the 3 drabble daily schedule.

First of all I want to thank **_featherkitten_** for catching a little slip up of mine. Instead of 'shut' I typed 'shit'.

To everyone that posted a review (and those who didn't) what do you think the odds are of Gwen trying to talk to Ianto about his grief the very next day.

* * *

**Title**: Alien Tech 2

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "Ah-ha! Look at this!"

I: "You know, when you offered to help me with the archives, I was expecting to do this in a vaguely methodical manner not have you flutter about like a demented hyperactive hummingbird."

J: "This is from the species h'Al_*click*_er."

I: "That will have to be written in IPA* in the notes."

J: "This is an instant bivouac kit."

I: "Recreational or military?"

J: "They are used in both. I can't tell you what type of model it is without deploying it, which will . . ."

I: "Which will destroy it. Also going in the notes."

~End

* * *

* IPA (International Phonetic Alphabet) allows for the inclusion of mouth sounds that aren't included in a lot of alphabets including; teeth gnashing, clicks, whistles and the ever classy fart sounds.

* * *

**Word:** Bivouac

**biv - ou - ac** _(noun)_ : a temporary camp without tents or cover, used especially by soldiers or mountains


	117. 112 - History Is Fickle

**Beginning Notes:** Only another single drabble today. This is something people might find funny, I currently have six different types of cough lollies in front of me. Tomorrow normal posting schedule should resume.

Thank you _**badly-knitted**_ for catching my spelling mistake. I typed expected, when it should have been expecting.

Before I got sick I was going through the oldest TW fics on this site, I was rather surprised because I had forgotten how Gwen-neutral everyone was at the beginning. But then the more RTD tried to sell Gwen to the fans, the more backlash there was against her. I think the biggest wave of backlash against her landed when RTD stated in a interview that TW could continue without John Barrowman but not Eve Myles. Makes you wonder what on Earth he was thinking. The 2 season ends with killing off 2/5 of the cast (I admire the living up to the anyone can die boast, but killing so much of a small ensemble is problematic) easily alienating those whose favourite was Tosh and/or Owen, the next season there wasn't any replacements for them and then proceed to kill 1/3 of the cast (not any third but the ensemble dark horse, any one with a lick of sense will tell you that killing off a fan favourite will cause a lot of backlash if you don't have a good reason [always wanting to kill them off, is not a good reason], especially if you kill them as the Sacrificial Lamb for the new audience and reeks of Bury Your Gays. Ianto dies as a result of an out of character moment for both Jack and Ianto just for the sake of motivating Jack to do what needs to be done (despite the fact he has been shown to be ruthless in the previous series and didn't need that motivation).

_*sigh*_ I have wanted to rant about that for awhile. Can you tell? Just what happened to the light-hearted, raunchy, adult version on Doctor Who that I fell in love with?

* * *

**Title:** History Is Fickle

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "What are you reading?"

I: "A book."

J: "What book?"

I: "Harry Potter."

J: "Which one?"

I: "The Order Of The Phoenix."

J: "Ah. I never liked Umbrage."

I: "It's Umbridge. I don't think that anyone likes her."

J: "I've always liked the 7th book, of course I read the edited version."

I: "Why was it edited?"

J: "All of the books were edited, to remove material not suited for children. The largest edit was to remove the epilogue."

I: "Why was the epilogue removed?"

J: "It enforces heteronormativity, that was considered quite damaging to children by my time."

I: "As it would."

J: "Cheeky."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Umbrage

**um - brage** _(noun)_ : offence; annoyance; displeasure

* * *

**End Notes:** For anyone who could be outraged at the unwanted, unapproved of edit of children's books; Enid Blyton, author of Secret Seven, Noddy, The Magic Faraway Tree and more, has had her work revised and edited because there was sexist, racist and xenophobic content. One of the weirdest revisions (at least in my mind) is that all four characters of The Magic Faraway Tree have had their names changed; it is no longer Jo, Bessie, Dick and Fannie, it is now Joe, Beth, Rick and Frannie (seriously WTF, I'd love to see someone try to change Dick Grayson's name).

When Harry Potter gets edited (lets face it, as society changes what we consider acceptable to expose our children to changes, so there will be edits), I want the not-so-subtle rape of Umbridge removed. First of all it reeks of Rape As Punishment, which is not cool! It also compounds it, by having turning her trauma into a joke, which is also seriously not cool!


	118. 113 - The Face Of Boe

**Beginning Notes:** Despite my hopes, resuming my 3 drabbles a day today was obviously too ambitious. My head is still too clogged and waring glasses is still painful.

To **_"Guest"_** if you can't be bothered to at least smash your head against to create a faux username when writing a review then don't be surprised if I just delete your comment. Because I have had a lot problems with anonymous users in the past I am going hard line with this; no name, no post and also be polite. **_"Guest"_**, I am all for being corrected when I am wrong but don't be a dick about it and be wrong yourself.

* * *

**Title:** The Face Of Boe

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Doctor Who

**Characters:** Rose/Bad Wold, Face Of Boe, Huam (OC)

**Pairings:** Boe/Huam (if you squint, really heard)

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

R: "I bring life."

_*Jack gasps back to life*_

_Elsewhere in the Universe_

The Face of Boe felt a disturbance. He checked the large calendar that floated up on the wall; the date! If he still had a body he would be shivering.

H: "M'lord, are you alright?"

Of course Huam, his faithful servant would have sensed his distress.

B: "I'm fine dearest Huam. I merely sensed something."

H: "What did you sense, that is, if you can talk about it M'lord."

Ah, sweetest Huam, with a mind and soul so heartbreaking familiar in ways he can't remember.

B: "Incipient."

H: "Pardon?"

B: "Never mind. Has there been any news of Earth?"

H: "I'll go check."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Incipient

**in - cip - i - ent** _(adjective)_ : beginning to exist or appear

* * *

**End Notes:** For those who are curious, I was very inspired by _**Helen Pattskyn**_, her idea of Ianto and Jack being soulmates and that Ianto gets reincarnated and meets up with Jack again and again, is something that stuck in my head (and I don't want it to get un-stuck). Although if you haven't heard of her and want to get started on her fics, it is a massive undertaking.


	119. 114 - Lifeform Register 2, TW Tribble 3

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 2 23/08/14. Two drabbles today, yay!

* * *

**Title:** New Lifeform Register 2/The Torchwood Tribble 3

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** n/a

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Fictional Report

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Lifeform 6901

Non-Terrestrial in origin. An oval/round lump of solid muscle, covered in a thick fawn/fallow dapple fur.

It has been measured, scanned and pictures have been taken [link]. It is 9.6cm in length, 9.3 cm in width and 7.9 cm in height. Scans indicate that it might pose some sinus and/or skin irritation to those who suffer from canine/equine allergies [links].

Tests indicate that it eats only wood pulp and rotting wood [link]. Tests also indicate that its digestive system is not in any way linked to its reproductive system [link].

~End

* * *

**Word:** Dapple

**dap - ple** _(verb)_ : to mark or become marked with spots


	120. 115 - Arguments About Gwen: Tosh

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 2. Yes I posted 2 drabble today. Yay me. Feeling better.

This is a sequel to Drabble 084.

* * *

**Title:** Arguments About Gwen: Tosh

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Toshiko Sato

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "So Tosh, what are your thoughts on Gwen?"

T: "Um, it's not exactly my place to question your hiring decisions."

J: "Just give me something."

T: "Why are you asking? You didn't ask when you hired Owen or Suzie. We weren't even aware you were looking for General Support Staff until you had already hired Ianto."

J: "Just say, something, anything, about Gwen and then you can leave."

T: "She's . . . pugnacious, and not in a good way."

J: "Thank you Tosh."

_*Tosh quickly leaves Jack's office*_

J: "So that's 2 for 2 against you, Gwen."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Pugnacious

**pug - na - cious** _(adjective)_ : combative; quarrelsome; belligerent

* * *

**End Notes:** If you were confused, Jack's last line is talking to himself, Gwen was not in the room with Jack and Tosh. Jack can be a bit thick at times but he is not that thick.


	121. 116 - Negotiations

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 24/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Negotiations

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** References to m/m sex, reference to BDSM, references to rape fantasy/rape scenario

* * *

J: "You want to negotiate!?"

I: "What you are suggesting is very serious, without any negotiation before hand things can get out of control very quickly."

J: "It's only sex!"

I: "It's nowhere near the bog standard missionary position, you want me to engage in bondage and sadomasochism."

J: "I hardly want that!"

I: "Well I find myself uncomfortable with rape fantasy. Which is why we need to talk about this; we need to establish safe words, that about the scenario before hand so that neither is uncomfortable with it, examine the equipment and props before hand to ensure that there is no chance of injury and that escape is possible."

J: "Fine, we'll talk."

I: "Do you capitulate Captain?"

J: "Don't rub it in Ianto."

I: "Then don't pout."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Capitulate

**ca - pit - u - late** _(verb)_ : to surrender under agreed conditions

* * *

**End Notes:** Sex games and roleplay, it is very sexy at the end, but the preparation to ensure everyone is having a good time and is safe is not so sexy.


	122. 117 - Motherly Advice

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 24/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Motherly Advice

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

Ianto Jones quickly made his way to his flat. This whole thing with the Twlwyth Teg had left him jumpy and he had the constant feeling of malicious eyes upon him. As the key slipped into the lock he heard a sound which he could only as a susurrus.

As he closed the door, he leaned against it, feeling his heart race as he counted his breaths, wondering how could he protect himself from those beings. Suddenly the image of his mother burning newspaper to create smoke to drive away evil and drawing lines on salt across doorways and window sills to protect herself from those who wanted to kill her.

Right, an answer on how to protect himself, even if it was from a questionable source. Find some paper, matches or a lighter, table salt, probably the only thing edible in his apartment, and must remember to remove the batteries from his smoke alarm, mustn't worry the neighbours.

The next day as he cleaned the mess from Gwen apartment, he made a note to take a day off to visit his mother's grave and thank her for the advice.

~End

* * *

**Word:** Susurrus

**su - sur - rus** _(noun)_ : a soft murmuring or rustling sound; whisper

* * *

**End Notes:** This called on knowledge from my hippie, new-age, neo-pagan teenage self. To get rid of evil spirits burn sage or eucalyptus leaves, some say that just the smoke will get rid of them and you replace the leaves with incense, others say that it is the burning oils in the sage or eucalyptus that drive away spirits and can't use anything else. A circle of salt is said to contain demons, if you or your family is being bothering by demons or malicious ghosts, draw a circle of salt around your house to keep the spirits out, again you generally smoke them out before laying down the salt or you'll trap them inside the circle. For those living in flats/apartments, just a line of salt across the doorways and windows should be enough to protect you, just when coming in or out of the flat just be careful that you don't disturb the salt.

The Beginning Notes of Drabble 100 has a little snippet of why Ianto would consider his mother a questionable source.


	123. 118 - Magic

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 24/08/14

This is an awesome word. It is just a pity I couldn't think of anything to write with this word. Anyone wants a go with this word go ahead. _*wink* *nudge* __**badly-knitted**__ *nudge* *wink*_

* * *

**Title:** Magic

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "You and me, Ianto, we're magic."

I: "I prefer the term thaumaturgy."

J: "You're the boss."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Thaumaturgy

**thau - ma - tur - gy** _(noun)_ : the working of wonders or miracles; magic


	124. 119 - Ianto Meet Doctor

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 25/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Ianto Meet Doctor

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood/Doctor Who

**Characters:** Ianto Jones, Doctor (10)

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

10: So you're Ianto Jones, heard quite a bit about you."

I: "I am flattered and frightened by what Jack could have told you about me."

10: "Well, Jack did say some things, but Martha said a lot more."

I: "I was under the impression that I met Martha after she stopped travelling with you."

10: "Timey-wimey."

I: "Ah, you are referring to the alternate timeline that was created by the being known as Harold Saxon."

10: "How do you know of that!?"

I: "I know everything."

10: "Perhaps you would like to see my ship?"

I: "Time And Relative Dimension In Space, the TARDIS. Is it true you stole it?"

10: "Well you seem to live up to your claim. Here she is."

I: "Is that the main console? It houses a fragment of the time vortex right?"

10: Isn't there something you forgot to say."

I: "You expect me to go on about the TARDIS like one of the high school girls you regularly pick up."

10: "It won't kill you to say it."

I: "Fine." _*sigh*_ "It is certainly . . . capacious."

10: "Adequate."

I: "It is an infinitely sized pocket dimension which houses a fragment of the time vortex which places itself a yoctosecond* so the special displacement of the entrance is minute. That was part of the Introductory Course on you at Torchwood One."

~End

* * *

* Orders of Magnitude (Time): Yottasecond, Zettasecond, Exasecond, Petasecond, Terasecond, Gigasecond, Megasecond, Kilosecond, **Second**, Millisecond, Microsecond, Nanosecond, Picosecond, Femtosecond, Attosecond, Zeptosecond, Yoctosecond, Planck Time.

* * *

**Word:** Capacious

**ca - pa - cious** _(adjective)_ : able to contain much; spacious or roomy


	125. 120 - Doctor Meet Ianto

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 25/08/14

This is a direct sequel to Drabble 119 - Ianto Meet Doctor.

* * *

**Title:** Doctor Meet Ianto

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood/Doctor Who

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Doctor (10)

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** There is some 10 bashing, sorry if it offends, but lets face it there were times when 10 was a bit of a dick.

* * *

_Continued From Ianto Meet Doctor_

I: "That was part of the Introductory Course on you at Torchwood One."

10: "You were at Torchwood One!?"

I: "Don't glower at me like that, Jack surely would have told you that."

10: "You lot were responsible for the Cybermen invasion!"

I: "I was data entry and was feed the same bull as the general public. And correct me if I'm wrong, but you and your companions were responsible for the Dalek invasion."

_*Jack burst into the TARDIS*_

J: "Hey Doc, have you met Ianto?"

10: "We've met."

J: "Where are you going Yan?"

I: "I'm leaving before the Doctor throws me out. Knowing my luck he'd probably take my chair with him when he buggers off."

*Ianto wheels off and out of the TARDIS*

10: "He was Torchwood One."

J: "I do believe that I mentioned that."

10: "I'm pretty sure you didn't."

J: "And I am 'pretty sure' that you were not at all interested in what I had been doing in the 100 years that you abandoned me that you were simply not listening."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Glower

**glow - er** _(noun)_ : a look of sullen dislike, discontent, or anger

* * *

**End Notes:** While I do see the Doctor visiting Torchwood, I think it would be 11 who visits and not 10. He was in between adventures with Clara and travelling with Canton Delaware and his partner. But that is just a personal head-canon thing.


	126. 121 - Sweet Music

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 25/08/14

Thank you **_badly-knitted_** for catching my spelling mistake.

Here is something I want to share, considering the title of this drabble, it seems oddly appropriate. Go listen to Cam Clarke's version of "Son Of A Preacher Man", if Cam Clarke was the voice of your childhood like he was with mine, than this song will spin it on its head (in a good way).

* * *

**Title:** Sweet Music

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

T: "I figured it out!"

J: "Figured what out?"

T: "This statue is some sort of MP3 player. A storage device for songs converted into digital information."

O: "We know what MP3s are." _*sidelong glance at Gwen*_ "Well at least most of us."

T: "Now, if there was someway to make it play."

I: "Tosh, would any of these help." _*places cardboard box beside Tosh*_

T: "What are these?"

I: "Future and alien universal cords and plugs I scavenged from Torchwood One."

T: "I might be able to hook it up to a computer, here's hoping that there is a compatible OS."

_Sometime Later_

T: "I'm ready to play it. Anyone want to hear what type of music these people listened to?"

_*Strange sounds emerge from weird statue*_

G: "This is awful."

J: "This just sounds like noise."

O: "Are these people deaf!?"

I: "It's . . . strangely canorous."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Canorous

**ca - no - rous** _(adjective)_ : melodious; musical

* * *

**End Notes:** The 'strange statue' is actually a replica of the god Apollo from the religion of "The Restoration Temple' (which is a neo-pagan church), from their classical cyberpunk period.


	127. 122 - Torchwood Hazing Rituals 2

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 1 of 3 26/08/14

This was inspired by something I said in the Beginning Notes of Drabble 017

* * *

**Title:** Torchwood Hazing Rituals 2

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

G: "Fairest Anna, would you join me for my evening repast."

J: "And excellent use of taxpayer monies, Gwen."

O: "You know most people stop sounding out words once they're capable of reading by themselves."

G: "Shut it."

J: "You've been here for 3 week and haven't submitted one piece of paperwork. I'm sure Ianto would love to show you how to fill out the forms. Ianto!"

I: "Yes sir."

J: "Gwen hasn't filled out any of the paperwork."

I: "I am aware of that. In fact I believe I was the one who told you."

J: "See that Gwen knows what's she suppose to do instead of reading Romances."

I: "Of course sir. This Miss Cooper is the standard Field Mission Report. This box at the top is where you put your name."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Repast

**re - past** _(noun)_ : a meal

* * *

**End Notes:** What is more embarrassing than being caught reading trashy romance novels, being caught reading trashy romance novels out loud.


	128. 123 - Go And Shake A Tower

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 2 of 3 26/08/14

* * *

**Title:** Go And Shake A Tower

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

J: "Go and shake a tower everyone."

G: "Speak English Jack."

I: "He was."

T: "It was a spoonerism."

O: "He told us to go and take a shower, which is exactly what I am going to do."

T: "Here, here."

I: "This suit is probably ruined, I liked this suit."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Spoonerism

**spoon - er - ism** _(noun)_ : the transposition of initial or other sounds in words

**Origin** : named after W. A. Spooner, an Oxford don who was known to, either deliberately or unintentionally, frequently make such verbal gaffes

* * *

**End Notes:** Don't worry, the suit was one of those ones that make Ianto look like a undead undertaker, so no great loss.


	129. 124 - Halloween

**Beginning Notes:** Drabble 3 of 3 26/08/14

Thank you to _**badly-knitted**_ for catching not just one but two very stupid spelling mistakes.

The First Doctor set the standard for the Doctor (as a character) being a jerk, it just there was just this unthinking arrogance about David Tennant's Doctor that just rubbed me the wrong way. There were times when 9 was a jerk, times when 11 was a jerk, but 10 jerk-ness just annoyed me.

* * *

**Title:** Halloween

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "So what do you think?"

I: "It's . . . tenebrous."

J: "Really?"

I: "No, it's tacky."

J: "One year I am going to impress you with my Halloween decorations."

I: "Of course you will sir."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Tenebrous

**ten - e - brous** _(adjective)_ : dark; gloomy; obscure

* * *

**End Notes:** Embarrassingly, until Harry Potter I honestly thought that Halloween was an American holiday. It is just not an institutionalised holiday in Australia, it's mainly a holiday for hipsters, goths and people who want to get drunk while in costume.


	130. 125 - Arguments About Gwen: Ianto

**Beginning Notes:** A single post today, got a persistent cough that does not like me bending over wile writing, so not much is getting written and I have lost my backlog, so single posts for awhile.

* * *

**Title:** Arguments About Gwen: Ianto

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

I: You rarely come down here sir."

J: "I wanted to talk to you."

I: "About what sir."

J: "Gwen."

I: "What about Miss Cooper?"

J: "What do you think about her?"

I: "I'm hardly in a position to spend enough time with her to form an adequate opinion of her."

J: "So what is your inadequate opinion of her?"

I: _*sigh*_ "I find her nescience outstanding."

J: "She has just started this job, of course she wouldn't know anything."

I: "I'm not referring to her ignorance of Torchwood, I'm referring to her ignorance of people sir. Despite the fact the Miss Cooper took it upon herself to profile Miss Fletcher it was Dr. Sato who figured out that she would go to the ex-boyfriend and Dr. Sato was also the one to figure out Miss Fletcher worked at a fertility clinic and would go there."

J: "Anything else."

I: "Miss Cooper insulted us to our faces and didn't have the decently to be apologetic about it, if she is the epitome of humanity that you seem to think she is, than sir, I would rather be a Dalek."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Nescience

**nesc - ience** _(noun)_ : lack of knowledge; ignorance

* * *

**End Notes:** For the record I don't think that Jack asked anybody's opinion when hiring, before or after the face, and I don't think that he would have ever have asked Ianto, until the Cyberwoman/Lisa incident I don't think that Jack really thought that much about Ianto's thoughts or feelings.


	131. 126 - Our Thing

**Beginning Notes:** Sorry about the late posting

_**8ami**_ I am very flattered but will happily scream for all to hear that I do not understand Gwen.

* * *

**Title:** Our Thing

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "It's our thing."

I: "Our thing?"

J: "Yes, this thing is our thing, we say obscure words to each other."

I: "I thought our thing was; me saying obscure words and you not batting an eye because you have a translator in that gewgaw of your."

J: "Hey! My vortex Manipulator is not a tacky useless bauble."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Gewgaw

**gew - gaw** _(noun)_ : something gaudy and useless; trinket; bauble


	132. 127 - Cut-Off Point

**Title:** Cut-Off Point

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "You, Ianto Jones, are effulgence personified."

I: *sigh* "Jack, you have already had 13 cups of coffee today. I am not giving you another cup."

J: "Not even if I ask nicely."

I: "Don't pout sir, it is most unbecoming."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Effulgence

**ef - ful - gence** _(noun)_ : the state of being bright and radiant

* * *

**End Notes:** 13 cups of coffee wouldn't be enough to send Jack into a state of caffeine hyperactivity but Ianto has a lot of work to do and constantly making Jack cup after cup would eat into the time he has to do everything. When things don't get done people start bitching, and Owen will definitely be making Jokes about what Ianto is doing during the day instead of working.


	133. 128 - When You Put It Like That

**Beginning Notes:** Weekends + insomnia = me sleeping in like I am going to earn a gold medal for it. I slept until 5 pm and I kind of don't feel guilty about it.

* * *

**Title:** When You Put It Like That

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "Ianto about Hart . . . "

I: "Let me guess; he was a different person back then, I was a different person back then, back where we came from ideals are different or any of the 1001 excuses that are no doubt ready to pass your lips in a pathetic attempt to assuage my primitive sensibilities."

J: "Well, when you put it like that . . . "

~End

* * *

**Word:** Assuage

**as - suage** _(verb)_ : to soften; to ease; or lessen

* * *

**End Notes:** Considering that Ianto/Jack were the last pair we see searching for those "canisters", we can assume that they were the last to arrive at their search point, which would mean that Jack had Ianto all to himself in the SUV but for some reason waited until they were in the office to ask him on a date, why?


	134. 129 - Tapemeasures And Paddles

**Beginning Notes:** _**badly-knitted**_ it was always part of my head-canon that Jack probably did try to ask Ianto out during the drive, but as you said Ianto is very good at shutting down Jack, which is part of the reason why Jack was so nervous.

* * *

**Title:** Tapemeasures And Paddles

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 15+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** Mentions of BDSM

* * *

I: "It's very exiguous."

J: "Hey! I'll show you small."

I: "Should I get the tapemeasure sir."

J: "I'm going to get the paddle, you have become very cheeky lately."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Exiguous

**ex - ig - u - ous** _(adjective)_ : scanty; meagre; small; slender

* * *

**End Notes:** I have actually described the paddle in the end notes of Drabble 011. It is a ping pong paddle with the rubber pad removed and replaced with a nice fluffy material in its place, it also has the handle reinforced.


	135. 130 - Tinfoil Hat Types

**Title:** Tinfoil Hat Types

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "What's in the box Ianto?"

I: "I just found something interesting, I was wondering if Tosh and yourself could have a look at it."

_*Tosh peers into box*_

T: "Film reels?"

_*Ianto grabs folder and opens it*_

I: "Archived personally by Torchwood Three Director A. W. Sayer, first lot archived in 1936, second lot in 1939 for the purpose of researching possible extra-terrestrial collaboration with the Americans."

J: "Oh, I remember! Arthur had this belief that America only became a world power because of alien interference. He used to archive American sci-fi movies as proof, most of those movies got thrown out by the next director, must have missed these one. What movies are these?"

I: "The Flash Gordon and Buck Rodgers serials."

J: "I remember watching them in seriatim back in the day, so Torchwood Movie Night?"

~End

* * *

**Word:** Seriatim

**se - ri - a - tim** _(adverb) (adjective)_ : in a series; one after another

* * *

**End Notes:** Even Torchwood would have ended up employing the odd Tinfoil Hat wearing types.


	136. 131 - Paperwork

**Title:** Paperwork

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

J: "What are you doing Ianto?"

I: "Paperwork, which is what you should be doing."

J: "But its boring!"

I: "I'd suggest you act your age, but I am not in the mood for your corpse impersonation."

J: "You're cranky, so you're not liking paperwork either. So what are you doing?"

I: "I'm modernising the language of old reports. I find it relaxing, well aside from the individual who had a great love for the tmesis. Now please leave me alone."

J: "Don't be like that."

I: "Unless you want me to serve you your next coffee by pouring it straight into your lap, you will leave me alone."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Tmesis

**tme - sis** _(noun)_ : the interpolation of one or more words between the parts of compound words **e.g.** _be thou ware_ for _beware_

* * *

**End Notes:** Never mess with Ianto when he is doing paperwork.


	137. 132 - Paperwork 2

**Beginning Notes:** Sorry about the late posting. When Ianto is trying to relax by doing paperwork do not, I repeat **DO NOT** interrupt him.

_**badly-knitted**_ I am actually now going through the **Word Of The Day** archive from dictionary - dot - com.

* * *

**Title:** Paperwork 2

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper

**Pairings:** n/a

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

G: "What are you doing Ianto?"

I: "Working. It is what the taxpayers pay us to do."

G: "Yes, but what exactly are you working on?"

I: "I am currently translating some documents."

G: "What exactly are you translating?"

I: "A non-Human creationist myth with a heavy chthonian element."

G: "Um, what?"

I: "Listen, why don't you go play Bejewelled or something."

G: "Well that's rude."

I: "Well, you're wasting my time, which I consider rather rude."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Chthonian

**chtho - ni - an** _(adjective) [Classical Mythology]_ : dwelling in or under the earth; pertaining to the underworld


	138. 133 - Operation: Distraction 4

**Beginning Notes:** So very sorry about the very late posting today.

_**biancaruth**_ I think that if Gwen were to leave Ianto alone for a couple of days he would be rather pleased about it. He is also not going to ask her to help him with paperwork as he files the paperwork and sees just how half-arsed she does her work.

* * *

**Title:** Operation: Distraction 4

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 15+

**Genre:** Drabble, Humour

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

I: "Jack!"

J: "I love it when you objurgate me Ianto."

I: "What happened to the harmonic sub-resonator?"

J: "How about some role-play?"

I: "The sub-resonator is damaged! It part of the rift manipulator!"

J: "I'll be the naughty schoolboy, you'll be the hot teacher."

I: "Very well then, I'm sending you to the Head Teacher. You get to explain to Tosh why the sub-resonator is damaged."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Objurgate

**ob - jur - gate** _(verb)_ : to scold or rebuke sharply


	139. 134 - Operation: Seduction 11

**Beginning Notes:** Sorry for the late posting, two days in row as well, naughty me.

This is a prequel to Drabble 122

* * *

**Title:** Operation: Seduction 11

**Author:** Daashi

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Characters:** Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones

**Pairings:** Jack/Ianto

**Rating:** 13+

**Genre:** Drabble

**Warnings:** n/a

* * *

I: "Sir."

J: "Ianto, just seeing you brightens my day."

I: "This is about Miss Cooper."

J: "Seeing you in those suits just give me a plethora of ideas."

I: "Miss Cooper has not completed any of the required paperwork for the last 3 weeks."

J: "I'll talk to her later. I'd rather talk to you right now."

I: _*sigh*_ "What do you want to talk about sir."

J: "How about what you look like under those suits."

I: "I have work to do."

~End

* * *

**Word:** Plethora

**pleth - o - ra** _(noun)_ : overabundance; excess

* * *

**End Notes:** It is me personal head-canon that Ianto liked to flirt with others around, he didn't like being alone with Jack for any periods of time, especially when Jack was flirting with him.


End file.
